the unspoken

Silly Me

2012-01-26T21:14:00.000+05:30

How is it possible
For me to get hurt
Over something
Which happened
Way before
I was even in the picture??

Twenty Eleven

2012-01-13T19:06:00.000+05:30

Yup. Its over. Time flies. Lets look back at the wonderful memories. The ups the downs and everything memorable. :)

January - Spending time at RI, Mahes seeya's funeral, shifting houses, RI ball, Tha's B'day, Anjana's house and clubbing with friends.

February - Spending more time at RI, Staying over at besties, Valentines day dinner, World cup match in Hambanthota and other matches, Graduation and after party.

March - The rest of the world cup matches, Big match and a little bit of studying

April - Besties B'day lunch, besties visit to the orphanage, Nangi's B'day, Avurudu, Passing law college 1st year and starting 2nd year exams and the studying at RI

May - Studying at RI, Exams and Loku Ammi's funeral

June - Still studying and having exams, yet clubbing and watching movies, Bradby at cheers, and celebrating 6 months at Sea spray.

July - 26 km walk, clubbing and chilling with my baby, starting work at JKH

August - My B'day, working at JKH, Watching movies and hanging out with baby.

September - Stopping work at JKH, Passing 2nd year exams, Baby's B'day, Besties surprise visit, staying over at basties.

October - Cut my hair, Studying at a friends house, night study sessions, starting 3rd year exams, Ammi's B'day, Aiya's B'day, Rugger world cup

November - Studying with the tin tin co, exams, Kadheeja was born, Naqueeb turned 2!

December - Learnt accounts, finishing exams, Celebrated 1 year, clubbing with friends, christmas, family dinners, clubbing with cousins, hanging out with friends, GLF vonteering, New Years Eve.

All in all. Time well spent.

Damn It

2012-01-05T19:53:00.000+05:30

He is still so cute!
Why couldn't he
Grow up to be
Bad looking.
So that whenever I see him
I'll say to my self
What was I thinking,
Instead of looking at her
And thinking
Pfffft,
I'm way better than that!

Its Messed Up

2011-12-22T10:11:00.000+05:30

What am I hiding
You ask
Well that depends
From whom

From you?
He doesn't like you.
He doesn't trust me with you.
And because of that
We can't be friends for ever!
I'm going to let you down.
I'm just another person
Who is going to disappoint you.
You trust me against all odds
Only to be betrayed.

From him?
You are a friend
Closer than most
I care a lot
But just a good friend
Nothing less nothing more.
You are a friend not a threat
And I'll hate letting you down
Cutting you out is going to be
Harder than I can handle.

But...
Someday, I know I will
Because I'd rather cut you out
Than be your friend
And lose him.

So tell me
How am I to give you an answer
Without coming across
Like a total Bitch?

Did you Know

2011-12-08T12:38:00.001+05:30

The list of depressing songs
Was almost over
When you decided to call.

Tears filled in my eyes
When I hear your voice
Real sweet and half a sleep and all.

There was a lump in throat
While I listened to you talking
And saying you had a bad dream.

There is something about you
Which makes me love you
And makes me hold back that scream.

Tears were rolling down
As you were hanging up
I didn't want you to go.

I felt like I'm losing you,
As much as it broke me
It made me love you even more.

How come

2011-12-02T19:39:00.001+05:30

It is so easy to forgive
But so hard to forget.
I feel like crying
But I smile instead.
It is so crowded
But I still feel alone.
I long to go out
But nothing's like home.
I love you to bits
But it hurts like hell.
I know we'll make it
But that's not what I tell.
She acts so nice
But its all a pretense.
Everyone seems to like it
When it makes no sense.
I can't wait till its over
But I don't want to move on.
I keep wanting more
When I know that its wrong.
I feel upset
For no reason at all.
I want to do things
But its never my call.
Questions are so many
But answers are none.
If we knew the answers
Life wont be fun.

Who am I kidding?

2011-12-01T18:51:00.001+05:30

Your eyes smart

You have a thundering headache

You have cried your heart out

But nothing has changed.

You know

Its just a matter of time

Before you wash your face

Wear something nice

And put on that fake smile again.

The thing about being happy

Is to convince yourself

That you are!

Random Mumbling

2011-12-01T18:43:00.001+05:30

A pen in the hand feels so much better,

When what you are writing is not an answer to a exam paper.

The words seem to flow with ease,

When you know there is no examiner you have to please.

You dont have to wreck your brain,

You start to feel lighter and stress free again.

Oh how much I missed this,

Writing about random stuff and not on law and justice!

Tell me

2011-10-27T20:38:00.000+05:30

How is it possible
That one moment
That you make me feel
The happiest person alive
And the very next
You break me so much
That all I can do is cry?!

Just wondering

2011-10-23T22:20:00.002+05:30

Is it normal
to keep thinking
that you are not normal???
Or was I right,
And by that I mean
Am I not normal???

I just want to scream!!!!

2011-10-12T20:55:00.000+05:30

I have exams in two weeks and I really don't want to study. I hate studying, I always have. I really just don't want to do this. I know I KNOW I'm better off than most others who didn't get through their exams and have to repeat and didn't do it last time and are doing two sets together; But none of you guys get it. I also know its my last exam and that I'll be a lawyer after that and then the sky is the limit. Did you think I haven't thought about all that already??? But I just don't want to do this anymore!

The worst part is I have no one to even talk about this. My friends (boy friend included) either failed their exams or are doing two sets together or is abroad or have bigger problems in life than a stupid exam! And I tried talking to my father even though he sort of understood what I was feeling he sounded so worried that I felt too bad to keep talking. My mother totally flipped and got me to promise (while almost in tears) that I will try my best at the exams. Sigh..... My sisters are too little and my brother too busy leaves me with no one.

No matter how much I complain and how much I don't want to and cry and fuss and throw a tantrum about it I know I will end up sitting for it. Everyone around me will make sure I do. Oh how I wish I had an option.

At 23 years of age I just feel like life is moving way too fast and that I'm going to be pushed into the deep blue sea even before I have learned to swim. Nope, no one seems to understand that. I wish I had a few months just 2 or 3 maybe to just sit back relax and live THE LIFE! You know to be able to sleep in till late, go out for lunch, watch a movie, randomly go on a trip down south because I want some time alone, fly kites, star gaze or do what ever the hell I want to do at what ever time I want. I just want to do these things just for a little while longer and savour the moment of joy in my life.

I just realised I am growing up way too fast. I don't want to be apart of the world out there! No don't get the wrong idea its not like I have not worked before. I have. Its just that it was nice to know I was still a student by that I had that much of freedom being that.

I don't want to do this exam. I don't I don't I don't!!! Please let me live life a bit longer. I don't want to do this. I hate feeling this way. I want to cry. Why doesn't anybody understand?!?!?!

I am finally big enough to do what I want, but not lucky enough to be able to do it! Life, thou art a heartless bitch!

Is there something wrong with me?

2011-10-09T21:28:00.000+05:30

When its high its extremely high
When its low its extremely low
And if ever it strikes a balance
Life gets too boring for me handdle

Sigh

2011-09-28T17:55:00.000+05:30

I need to start changing my ways
Or learn to accept that
Changes are going to come my way :(

Why do I get the feeling that no one will ever love me for who I truly am?

Go figure!

2011-09-24T18:05:00.002+05:30

You know how people say that you start missing things once you've let it go? Well it doesn't work that way for me. I start missing things once I let it in. =S

This sucks.

2011-09-24T17:37:00.001+05:30

I pass my examz
and I cant even celebrate it =/

A letter to you :)

2011-07-26T23:10:00.002+05:30

Dear You,

You are fast asleep at the moment, I mean all sane people in this part of the world are doing the same. So I guess that in itself speaks a lot for me. In that case, this random letter can only make me seem more crazier than you already think I am.

Its 2.00 a.m. and I am not falling asleep. If I didn't know my self better I would have thought there is something wrong with me. Anyway since I am wide awake and I can't seem to keep my mind off you, I thought I'd write you something. My writers block still seems to be in full force so a poem is out of the question. Yes, sadly so. So I guess I'll keep writing random bullshit that keeps coming into my mind.

You! I cant help but think of you. The good thing about it is as long as your in my mind there is a smile on my face. =) I know you have been going through a rough patch these days and it sucks that I can't do anything about it. I know I don't have the ability to shield you from all the trouble life has to offer but I can promise you, you'd never have to face them alone. I might not always have the right words to say but I'll always be there to shut up and listen. Every time you are in a bad mood I might not have a clue how to make you smile but I'll hug you tight and wait till you start feeling better.

I may not be the best person and I don't have the best of things to give you. What I can offer you is pretty simple and I hope it's enough to keep you happy. Here's my love take it, here's my soul use it, here's my heart don't break it, here's my hand hold it and lets make it together for ever!

I love you more than words can ever say but that doesn't stop me from trying to let you know how much I do. This is another one of those attempts of mine. I never exactly succeed but at least I try. You have no idea how glad I am that we are together and how happy it makes me just to be able to call you mine.

How I wish I was with you at the moment just to be able to watch you sleep. It's one of those rare occasions which you look really cute and the slow rhythm of your breathing only makes me want to hug you more. Do you know you talk in your sleep at times? It's pretty funny but also sort of sweet. Sometimes when you fall asleep for your weight my arm gets numb but I am too scared to move just in case I wake you up. I miss those times! Sigh.... I miss you.

I know it seems crazy, how is it possible to miss someone you meet everyday!? But I do. Especially now since I'm not doing anything but thinking of you. I miss that smile of yours. The one that you can't help but return. I miss you so damn much that a part of me is all out to calling you and waking you up just to hear your voice. But luckily for you I am not that selfish. I will have to be happy with just writing. Plus I am only a couple of hours away from waking you up anyway.

The way things are going I might not even go to sleep before it's time for you to wake up. For one thing your day starts way too early and also my sleeping cycle is a bit wonky these days. I think the cricket world cup has a part to play in my sleeping cycle. Matches are so tiring and to add to that it finishes really late. So obviously I get up late and end up being up till early hours of the next day.

Anyway I think I have written long enough to bore you for a lifetime, so I wont go on for too long. Just a half an hour with you has clearly got me missing you way too much. I can't wait to spend the next whole day with you. Just a reminder for both of us - we need to start studying properly soon. I cant wait to get done with examz! Just the thought of it is enough to make me feel good.

Okies. So I hope you are dreaming of me at the moment and that it is something good.
I miss you loads but love you more!
Mwah
TC
From : Me :)

Inura As I See Him

2011-07-26T22:29:00.000+05:30

He is a bright, cheerful and bubbly person.
He is thoughtful and considerate and likes to have fun.
Everybody feels comfortable around him because of his pleasant nature
When he walks into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to him because of his charm.

He is intelligent, honest and sweet.
He is friendly with everybody and doesn't like conflict.
Because he is so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to him and like to talk to him.

He is mature, reasonable, wise and gives good advice.
People tend to ask for his comments on all sorts of different issues.

He usually doesn't get too serious with people when they are around.
But he is very much aware of what's going on and he makes pretty accurate observations.
He is observant and not forgetful.

He is focused and knows what he wants.
He is careful and not afraid to make decisions on his own.
He is street smart.

He considers education as being important and likes to learn.
He is not a fan of examz but is very practical about it.
He has a "prevention is better than cure" attitude when it comes to his studies.
He is hardworking.

He is very dedicated towards his job.
Whatever he does he will give it his best and he expects that from others as well.
If he wont be able to give his best then he wont undertake to do it.
He is successful and good at what he does.

He is head strong and has an amazing will power.
He is stubborn and doesn't change his mind quickly.
More often than not he refers to his head to resolve issues rather than his heart.

He loves to party and go crazy.
He prefers to hangout with a few close friends rather than with crowds.
He likes to tease people.

He can sing.
He has an amazingly sexy voice and he knows it.
He hates losing his voice and when he does, he gets into a bad mood.

He is easy going and loves to have fun.
He is really friendly and not moody.
He knows to have fun but yet does not get carried away.
He is responsible and knows when to draw the line.

He is a very independent person and hates being dependent.
He is strong and has a great deal of self confidence.
He is also very much set in his ways.

He values friendship a lot.
He is trustworthy, reliable and loyal.
He is caring and he will be there for you when ever you need him.

He is a true romantic.
He is the best boy friend ever.
He is gentle and compassionate.
He is completely and utterly dedicated to the girl he loves.
He is kind and understanding.
He can be somewhat childish and cute.

He hardly gets jealous of anyone.
In the rare instance he does get jealous, you would never know.

He is not materialistic.
Little joys in life makes him happy and he is easy to please.
But he is somewhat spoilt and more often than not he has got what he wanted.

He loves to fool around and have a good laugh.
He hardly ever compliments anyone.
He cares a lot for his loved ones and usually gets affected by how they behave.
He doesn't like showing people how he really feels and keeps his feelings/thoughts to himself.

He has a really bad temper.
He doesn't lose his temper very often but when he does you wouldn't want to be around.
He wents out his anger and frustration by either doing a strenuous workout or throwing around and breaking things.
He might take irrational decisions when he is angry and will regret it once he calms down but will be too stubborn to admit it.

He is adventurous, energetic and loves to do daring things.
He likes to relax but he can't be doing nothing for too long.
He is used to being busy and gets restless very easily.
He can't be indoors for too long and needs to go out often.

He doesn't like drama but needs attention.
He hates dishonesty and doesn't like to drive.
He is a mama's boy.
He is a good listener and speaks even better.

He is an interesting and amazing person but the best part about him is his girl friend. :) :P

It's been awhile.

2011-04-20T21:26:00.000+05:30

It's been way more than awhile since I posted here last and life has changed so damn much that it's left me wondering from where to start.

I guess I'll start with studies since that is what I am busy at the moment with. Good news first I graduated =D =D. I also sat for the first set of examz for my attorneys and got through. =) Yeah all that is cool but here goes the bad news. My second set of examz for my attorneys start on the 28th of April and goes on till the 27th of June. Not only is it a a darn drag it makes it worse that I haven't really studied at all for it. Typical me ain't it. Wait for the last freaking minute and the hit the panic button. Sigh. At least one things certain, my study pattern hasn't changed.

Other than that the only major change I can think of is that I am now with the love of my life. Things are going well on that aspect. I'm happy and no complaints at all. =)

It also would have been apparent that I have stopped working. I guess I will be unemployed till the end of this year until I am done with my attorneys. It does give me a lot of free time in my hands it also does leave me with an empty pocket. =/

We shifted houses in January. I am not sure which house I prefer both has it's pros and cons but lets just say I have got used to this and pretty happy. But I do very badly miss my neighbors. Even though we are only a lane or 2 away it somehow makes a whole load of difference than living right next door to each other.

I think thats about it. Shall post soon again :)

Smile - It makes you feel better

2010-12-06T16:04:00.001+05:30

Its all those memories in my mind
Which keep me up so late at night
I wish I could go back in time
And freeze in that moment of time

Not a single photo have I taken
Of the moments I cant seem to forget
But somehow or other I remember
Every little detail yet

At times when I think of it
It brings a smile to my face
To know that I was so close
And my happiness no one can erase

At times I cant help it
But shed a tear or two
The uncertainty and insecurity
Gets me down too

But now I just keep smiling
And look for good in everything I see
'Cause even if everything falls a part
I know I was the best I could be

Almost Lover

2010-11-28T18:31:00.000+05:30

What made me think so?
Oh I don't know...
Maybe it was -
the cute texts,
the names he calls,
the sweet things he says,
the way he holds my hand,
the touching of my cheek,
squeezing my flab,
or the way he will hug me
every time I sit on his lap,
the hugs and the kisses,
the way he bit my ear,
dropping and picking me
everyday of the year,
laying his head on my lap,
lifting me off the ground,
for no apparent reason
carrying me around,
the way he will stand
with his hand around my waste,
and more of our moments
that my mind cannot erase,
taking me out to dinner
even though we meet anyway,
texting till we go to sleep
after being with each other all day,
the song that he posted,
and other hints he might have given.
You still think I was wrong
and totally mistaken??
He just loves and cares
as a good friend,
and now that we don't meet
it all comes to an end??
I know you mean well
but just don't tell that again.
Whenever I need him
I'll just kiss the rain!

I cant help but wonder!

2010-11-28T00:31:00.000+05:30

If you only knew,
The things I think,
The things I know,
And the things I'm left imagining.....

Free fall!

2010-11-21T23:53:00.001+05:30

You've been way to busy
reading between the lines
That you totally messed up
and lost sight of the sign.

This is why I was scared
to give you my all
Didn't want get up there
just so I could fall.

My only hope is that
you're down there waiting
To catch me before
I start breaking!

When love happens!

2010-11-13T21:40:00.001+05:30

When Love happens - things change. And then you start to wonder how, when, where, why and so on. The thing is, you would never know. Love is a silent mover. It doesn't make a grand entrance. That's how you can tell Lust from Love. Lust always makes a glamorous entrance and you always know when it happens. Love on the other hand is an entirely different story. Unlike in the movies, you usually have no idea when it entered into your life. By the time you realize that Love happened, it's too late to do anything about it. Love has this funny way of controlling your thoughts. And Cupid has a funny sense of humor. He picks out people for you, who you wouldn't have even remotely thought about yourself.

When Love happens you can't think of anyone else but that person. All you want to do is spend every waking moment with that person, how ever impossible this maybe. And it's unimaginable the way you miss that person when he/she is not around. When you are around him/her all your problems seems to disappear and he/she always manages to put a smile on your face no matter what. It is at this point you realize that Love has happened.

So, Love does come silently. But whether or not it comes with out a warning I'm not really sure. I mean once love happens it does take you by surprise. But does that mean there was no sign at all?? Couldn't there have been signs which you misread or completely ignored or never saw at all because you were blind to it?? Either way I guess it doesn't really matter.

Point is when Loves happens, Love happens and it messes you up! =D

Cuz your amazing just the way you are :D

2010-11-13T19:10:00.002+05:30

1. You actually listen when I talk.

2. You don't judge me.

3. You laugh at me when I am around and not behind my back.

4. If I ever ask you a question you'll always give your honest opinion, even if it's rude and not what I wanted to hear.

5. I can be myself around you.

6. When ever I am in a bad mood you can tell.

7. You earnestly care. Even though it doesn't show sometimes.

8. You are the best study partner ever!

9. When ever I am upset you make me feel better of foolish. Either way it helps.

10. I can trust you with anything.

11. You're not always nice to me but you're always there for me.

12. You think I'm smart :P

13. You always try and you never give up.

14. When you realised you made a mistake you accept it.

15. You taught me that
* Silence is golden.
* You don't always speak but you always listen.
* And that even if you fail the fact that you tried always counts.

16. You flatter me.

17. You never fail to apologize.

18. You don't ask too many questions.

19. I'm never bored when I'm with you.

20. You are yourself and don't give a shit about what others think.

21. You're not selfish.

22. If I need someone to talk but have nothing to say... You understand and you're always there.

23. No matter how close we are you still respect my personal space.

24. No matter how much we fight or argue, we always come around.

25. You let me annoy you.

26. You make me feel good about myself sometimes.

27. You listen to my problems when you have bigger ones of your own.

28. No matter how bad I treat you, you never compliant.

29. You are never afraid to make a change or try something new.

30. You like my friendship bands.

31. You like my writing.

32. You are an awesome friend.

33. You believe in magic.

34. You never speak about the good you have done.

35. You are never the main actor but you're always the man behind the scenes the main actor can't do with out.

36. You are responsible and handle way too much for you're age.

37. You know how to have plain clean fun even though you don't always stick to it.

38. You appreciate good food and good music.

39. You have an awesome sense of humor.

40. You don't hesitate to speak whats on your mind.

41. You are not exactly a ladies man but yet you come off as a sweet person.

42. You shout when you're in a good mood and keep quiet when you're pissed. Not the other way round.

43. Your vocabulary is horrid yet you dress to impress.

44. I can talk to you for hours, just say some crap or not say anything at all and somehow get the message across. Either way you'll understand.

45. You let me pinch, hit, squeez your cheeks and even shake you when I feel like it.

46. You are really strong. In every sense of the word.

47. You have clearly realised that I am a weird person, living a strange life but yet you love me for who I am.

48. You love to drive slow yet almost always you drive extremely fast.

49. You have a bad temper and yet you are warmhearted.

50. You are modest.

Dear Clyde

2010-10-21T18:12:00.000+05:30

Apparently you died sometime ago but I didn't hear about it until last night. I mean I knew you had gone missing but I somehow hope you will find yourself back. I still do actually. A part of me refuses to believe that you are dead and gone.

But okay. Last night I thought about long and hard and tried to convince myself that you will no longer be back. It broke my heart to think so and the pain was unbearable. The fact that I couldn't mourn your death and wish you a final good bye killed me even more.

So your gone. Just like that. I can't even believe it. I don't actually. I wonder what it's like where ever you are. Do you remember all of us? Do you miss us? Or have you just evaporated into thin air and have no feeling what so ever?

I miss you Clyde. Miss you a damn lot. And now I am wondering whether I ever let you know how much I appreciated you and what you meant to me. It does bother me that me writing this will not even come close to letting you know it as well.

I loved the fact that I could be 100% open with you. I could just be myself with you and I knew you wouldn't judge me. I could say what ever I want do what ever I want and you will still just accept me for who I am. These others I hang out with I know passes a judgment or two about me to say the least. I hope it's not too late to let you know that you were one of the most awesome friends I have ever had. And I miss that friendship Clyde. I miss everything about us. The walks, the talks, the laughter and even the tears I have shed with you.

Oh how I wish you could just least come back for one day so I could at least let you know how much I love you. And take it from me you were one amazing study partner. Trust me if not for you I wouldn't have got through the exam as well as I did. I am honestly really thankful to you for that and I know I never ever even mentioned this to you when you were around. And it is killing me.

I don't know Clyde. I can't honestly find the words to let you know what I am feeling at the moment. Confusion, loss, hurt, sorrow, and a mixture of feelings of the sort. One thing I know Clyde no one can ever EVER replace you. And no matter where life takes me I am sure to miss you and I will never forget you till the day that I die.

Honestly it's breaking my heart to write this, and I have to stop now 'cause I need to just be alone and cry for awhile.

This can't be true. You are not dead. You will come back someday.

Losing you hurt me way more than words could tell. People always leave but sometimes they come back. And I know you will. I still have hope.

Lots of love
From
Bonnie

Im waiting...

2010-10-19T10:02:00.000+05:30

I know I must be patient
but I can't wait
to hold you in my arms
to hug you tight
and just to be able to call mine.

I want to show you
how much I care
how much I love
and just to let you know
no matter what - I'll be there.

But at the same time
I am afraid
to give you my all
just in case you build me up
and then you watch me fall.

But in time to come
you will see
come what may
I'll be happier with you
and you with me.

For now though
we'll just let things flow
we'll talk
we'll laugh
like we have always done before.

But next time
you hold my hand
I'll hold it a little bit longer
hug you a little bit tighter
just so you understand.

It's not easy to be me!

2010-10-14T20:15:00.000+05:30

When I know what's wrong
But can't make it right
When you don't tell what's up
But I know what you hide

When all you need is a hug
But it can't be from me
When you know you aren't blind
Yet you wish you couldn't see

When it's not my fault
But I am still to blame
If it wasn't for me
It wouldn't be the same

It isn't any easier for me
Than it is for you
I hope that somehow
You know that too

But never for a second even think
What I said was lie
I honestly love and care
And will do so till I die!

If I were...

2010-08-16T14:19:00.000+05:30

- If I were a season, I would be summer.
- If I were a month, I would be August.
- If I were a day of the week, I would be Sunday.
- If I were a time of day, I would be evening.
- If I were a planet, I would be Mars.
- If I were a direction, I would be South.
- If I were a tree, I would be a palm tree.
- If I were a flower, I would be an orange gerbera.
- If I were a fruit, I would be a gauva.
- If I were a land animal, I would be a golden retriever.
- If I were a sea animal, I would be a a dolphin.
- If I were a bird, I would be a kingfisher.
- If I were a piece of furniture, I would be a comfy sofa.
- If I were a liquid, I would be water.
- If I were a stone, I would be moonstone.
- If I were a tool, I would be a hammer.
- If I were a kind of weather, I would be a thunderstorm.
- If I were a musical instrument, I would be a guitar.
- If I were a color, I would be sky blue.
- If I were a facial expression, I would be a happy smile.
- If I were an emotion, I would be happy.
- If I were a sound, I would be slow music.
- If I were an element, I would be water.
- If I were a car, I would be a red Ferrari.
- If I were a food, I would be a pizza.
- If I were a place, I would be Tangalle.
- If I were a flavor, I would be vanilla.
- If I were a scent, I would be cigarette on a hot guy.
- If I were an object, I would be a string of fairy lights.
- If I were a body part, I would be eyes.
- If I were a song, I would be No Surprise.
- If I were a pair of shoes, I would be a pair of trainers.
- If I were transportation, I would be a ship.
- If I were a fairy tale, I would feature as the villain.
- If I were a holiday, I would be Christmas.

Have you ever...

2010-08-16T13:07:00.000+05:30

Have you ever felt like stopping
but you never really started anyway
Have you ever felt like letting go
but of what exactly you cannot say
Ever wanted to talk to someone
.but what you want to tell you do not know
Do certain things remind you of things
that you don't even remember anymore
Do you feel like you need to change
when there is nothing wrong with the way you are
Have you ever wanted to be alone
but long for company when no one's there
Ever thought of taking a break from thinking
but thinking is all you ever do
While reading this did you think Im crazy
don't worry I think so too

Whenever I look back at that day... This is all that I can say...

2010-08-09T23:36:00.001+05:30

That day..
Every time I looked in to your eyes...
Every time we touched...
With Evey embrace and every hug...
There was one thing I ringing in my head...
One thing I wanted you to hear me tell...
To scream out loud through my tears...
Or to simply whisper in your ears...
I love you a lot, yes I do...
But I held it all in just for you..
Through the kissing I held it all...
I wanted be strong and not to fall...
To cover it up I spoke about things...
A particular person who means nothing..
I guess I did my part well...
But was it for the best I cannot tell...
Why oh why couldn't I see through you...
And know that you might have been hiding it too...
Now it's all over and I must move on...
After all it's just another piece of me heart torn!

Sing!

2010-08-09T16:23:00.000+05:30

I want to sing. I really badly want to sing out loud like a idiot and maybe even go completely flat. But who cares right???

But I am stuck in room which is really quiet! Only the tapping of the key board!!

Oh how I wish I can scream and sing. No. Not that I am happy or anything. I am just in a singing mood...

I wanna sing. I Wanna Sing. I WANNA SING. I WANNA SING!

Ok ok... *takes a few deep breaths* *calms self down*

I have only ten mins more in office... At home I can sing all I want. :) :)

Mr.KW!

2010-08-05T15:11:00.000+05:30

If I'm to describe him in one word
"short" would be my pick
But one word ain't enough
To describe this prick

Drinking is his hobby
"Live for today" being his motto
Nothing of him is catchy
Except maybe his photos

He is crazy and fun loving
And generally full of cheer
And he is the elder brother
Of someone very dear

He is generally misunderstood
But there is no smoke without a fire
He most definitely has a big mouth
But not necessarily a liar

He can be really mean if he wants to be
But can pass off as nice
I'm not saying he is bad looking
But definitely not my choice

I don't mean to say he has wasted his life
But he certainly could have done more
Might not be the most intelligent of all
But pretty creative though

His heart is the best thing about him
And his photography gives it a good run
As annoying as he normally is
He could also be pretty fun

This poem does not do justice
There is so much more to write
But I shall take my leave now
'Cause its pretty late at night

Just because she comes off strong, doesn't mean she didn't fall alseep crying... And even though she acts like nothing is wrong maybe just maybe she is really good at lying!!!

2010-07-21T15:50:00.000+05:30

She sees him from far away. Her eyes follow every move of his till he makes his way into the same room. She might be even staring at him now. But it's only until he looks towards her. She quickly turns away and pretends to be very involved in the conversation her friends were having. She can feel him walking towards her. She is laughing even louder than her friends at a joke she wasn't even paying attention to. She can feel him standing behind her now but she pretends not to notice until her friend says hi to him. She turns around and acts as if its the first time she is seeing him for the day. It takes all her strength to not let her knees buckle by being so close to him. She smiles and says hi and her mind is blown away by his smile. As she was just about turn and keep talking to her friend he grabbed her by the hand. She swiftly turned around. "Can we talk?" "sure".

And they walked out holding hands. Spoke for hours on end. Argued most of the time. Laughed their asses off. Mostly at each other. Had a long walk on the beach. Sat and watched the sun set together. Kissed each other good night. And went home smiling . It was just the beginning of a happy ending.

Will someday ever come?

2010-07-15T11:13:00.000+05:30

Someday you might ask the question
Or someday I might confess
Someday it will be obvious
And someday people might guess

Someday it wont be held in any longer
Someday I'll lose control
Or someday you might make the move
Someday we'll reach our goal

Someday you will take the risk
Someday you will be bold
Someday you'll hold my hand
And tell things we never told

Someday I wont stop smiling
Someday we'll stop being dumb
Someday everyone will know
But will someday ever come?

Can it really be so???

2010-07-14T16:18:00.000+05:30

Can this be true
I don't mind giving up him for you?

Not that he is mine now
But we'll be more distant some how

He who I would have even died for
Will soon be a memory or just a dream I saw

All this is just for you
When I'm not even sure if you like me too

Just for a chance for me
To show you how much you mean to me

It didn't hurt me when he asked me to fly
Because its you who I want me to stand by

Even though we might not work out right
I risked not ever seeing his sight

Could it be true that I really don't mind
Losing him even if you wont become mine?

Or is it because that I have a clue
That you want me to be with you

I am surprised at myself for telling him so
That it's okay for him to let me go

Especially since you haven't been bold
And that you like me you have never told

But some how I know it's not a mistake
Because when he scolded my heart didn't break

But I very dearly hope
That you and I will somehow cope

And that you will like me too
At least half as much as I like you

Is it really over?!

2010-07-13T13:51:00.000+05:30

You look forward for something. You count down days for it. You are excited. You are nervous. You can't wait till it happens. You also get a little bit scared as to how it will go. As the days get nearer you worry a little too much about it. You closest friends understand you. Others think you are paranoid. You think you might be paranoid. So you distract your self as much as possible to make sure you are not paranoid. You still can't help thinking about it.

But what do you when it's all over???

It went well. Even better than you expected. You are happy. You enjoyed every second of it. You couldn't have asked for anything more. :)

But what happens next? Yes you obviously reminisce the memories. Relive over over again. Smile looking back at it. Other than that you have nothing to do. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to get excited about. It feels like a big weight is off your shoulders. But you also know there is something missing. You feel this nothingness within you. An empty sort of feeling. Your doing the same thing you were doing as before. Still as busy as you used to be. But somehow it feels as if you have more time in your hands.

No it's not that your mind is at ease. It's just that your mind has nothing to distract its self with. It has nothing to anticipate other than the usual day to day happenings.

But somehow you know the wait isn't over. You are just not sure what to wait for this time around!

Confused much?

2010-07-13T10:38:00.000+05:30

I hear the silence
I am deaf to the noise
I reminisce my tears
I regret my smiles
I’m blind to the light
I see in the dark
I hangout with foes
With friends I hardly talk
I doubt honesty
I trust in lies
I face my fears
Run away from joys
I respect the absurd
I don’t value the norm
I judge the right
I consider the wrong
I doubt the facts
I expect the unexpected
I believe in uncertainty
I distrust the predicted
I despise the sweet
I like the bitterness
I enjoy the cruelty
I suffer the kindness
I cry when I’m surrounded
I smile when I’m alone
The past is my future
The present is unknown
Your smile is my retribution
Your pain is my gain
I love to be mean
To do good is a shame
I choose if there is nothing to lose
I cheat my own fate
I wont go in if the doors are open
I'll crash the closed gates
I embrace the guilt
I refuse to recall
I’ll crawl out of heaven
And I’ll enjoy the free fall

Gah!!!!

2010-07-08T14:06:00.000+05:30

All this time I was positive that the answer I was going to get was not going to be one I would want to hear. So I conditioned my mind not to have any hope. I had told my self that I have to be prepared to be depressed on sunday.

BUt something happened last night. SPAIN won!!! I knew this was a good sign. But I didn't want to believe it. So I told my self god is playing games with me. After the hype about spain winning was gone I realised that I had a message from a certain someone about confirmation about Sunday. Something I was never expecting. I was planning on calling tomorrow and confirming and half expecting a reply saying that he want be able to make it. So I know this is a good sign. But I yet keep telling myself that god is really good at playing this game.

Darn!!!

I still have hope =( stupid STUPID me!!!

Waiting

2010-07-06T10:07:00.000+05:30

This is one of the hardest things to do. -WAIT- Especially when you are not really sure what you are waiting for!

In my case I am waiting for a sign!!! One which I will most probably get on Sunday. To be honest I am pretty exited and I can't wait till Sunday to get this sign. Then again I am also pretty scared because I am 90% sure that I would not be liking the sign I will get. I am also some what worried. What if I don't get a sign on Sunday then I'll have to just keep waiting for god knows how long!! Even worse what if I read the sign wrong?!?!

Either way this waiting business is killing me!!!

Sigh.....

Sunday please come fast... And please give me the sign I have been waiting for... After all I have been patient!!

What is better?!

2010-07-05T15:57:00.000+05:30

Is it better to know where you stand and be disappointed or not know where you stand and be happy wondering - still having hope!

This I have always wondered...

I guess I'll know the answer soon. But still building up courage to know the answer!!! =S

Working Again!

2010-07-05T09:53:00.000+05:30

I am back at work.
Back to finding ways to entertain myself for 8 hours.
Back to counting down hours to go home.
Back to the silly office conflicts.
Back to the office gossip.
Back to staring at the computer screen for long hours.
Back to eating lunch by 12.30
Back to holding my thoughts to myself.
Back to trying hard not to laugh out loud.
Back to being treated like a kid.
Back to smiling at everyone.
Back to blogging more often.
Back to having some money.
Back to being in the A/C the whole day.
Back to wearing office attire.
Back to hating Mondays!
Back to looking forward for the weekend.
Back to getting up early in the morning.
Back to seeing faces I didn't realise I missed.
Back to appreciating everything about home!

Super Boy

2010-06-21T22:17:00.000+05:30

He is one damn good looking boy and he knows it. This is mainly because us girls love to compliment good looks. Even though he thrives on the fact that he looks good he is not one of those guys who walks 3 feet above the ground because of it. But he loves it when you flatter him and each time a little bit more if he feels like you really mean it, how ever he will pretend that he doesn't really care.

Well looks are only skin deep they say so obviously looks can't be the only thing that makes this boy super! He is one talented boy and a sports star. If he puts his mind to it he can do anything, and when I say anything I mean ANYTHING! If it is something which doesn't interest him (like studies) getting his mind to it is some what hard but the little time he does he makes maximum out of it. Sports is his drug which he can't live without. And what ever the sport he does he does it in style and he is sure to excel.

But above all what makes this boy really super is his heart. He has a golden heart which is bigger than an elephant. He will not hesitate to give money to a beggar even if he doesn't have change. He will be that one friend you can always count on and he will go that extra mile to just see you smile.

Yes, there are millions of reasons why I call this boy "super boy" but I am running out of time. But always remember that super boy is super crazy as much as he is super fun! And I am not exaggerating when I say that super boy is the cutest thing on earth :) Last but not least keep in mind that super boy will someday be super man! ;) :)

The Malli I Never Had

2010-06-19T11:43:00.000+05:30

Would he have been a hottie
Or simply chubby and cute
Will he be loud like the rest of us
Or would he always be on mute

Would he have played cricket or rugger
Or gone for rowing just like me
He might have excelled in his studies
Or just hoped for the best you see

Would he be happy and healthy
Or would he often fall sick
Will he be closer to me or nangi
Or will aiya be his pick

Will he be messy like I am
Or a neat freak like nangi is
Would he be a player with many a girls
Or have one single miss

All these things I can only imagine
And I know you think I'm mad
But the sibling I miss the most
Is the malli I never had!

Sorry!

2010-06-18T19:33:00.001+05:30

Dear Blog,

I know I have been neglecting you or a couple of months now and I just wanted to say I am really sorry about that. I also want you to know that it was not because I was pre-occupied with unneccesary things, I was honestly studying for my exam. I went to the library the first thing in the morning and got back home in the night when the library was closed.

Well it is true that I did come on line to chat to some friends of mine and I did find time to go out and hang out with them on and off. But I honestly didn't have time to sit and blog. I don't mean to sound like am fishing for excuses but that is the truth. And I am not just telling this to make you feel better but there were plenty of times I wanted to blog about various things.

I guess you get what I am trying to say so I wouldn't go on and on about it, but I will promise to not be so neglectful in the future!

Lots of love,
Me :)

Sweet nothings

2010-04-16T20:51:00.000+05:30

When I see you I hold myself back
From coming rushing next to you
It takes all the strength I have
To stop me doing these things I want to do

I so badly want to hug you
Or maybe just to talk
Or at least just to be beside you
Everywhere you walk

But I settle down for just a smile
Or an acknowledging nod
And when we are next to each other
The silence is so loud

But if ever our eyes meet
Even with millions around
I know you hear my unspoken thoughts
Very clear and sound

I want to stay away from you
But the strength I have is washing away
So I call and we talk for hours
But what's on my mind I never say

Once you've fallen asleep
And I'm listening to you breathing
Just feeling your presence
And too lost inside my feelings

That's when I whisper in your ear
Every word I want to say
And wish you hear me in your dreams
But forget it the very next day

Pretty streight forward

2010-04-16T20:39:00.000+05:30

When we talk
Im smiling
But deep inside
I feel like screaming

When I'm alone
I'm singing
But I really want to
Breakdown crying

When it shows he cares
I am crying
But somewhere inside
Is a happy feeling

When things get serious
I start laughing
Because I am afraid
He might be lying

What's on my mind
I keep telling
But he still thinks
I am confusing!!!

You and Me

2010-03-01T00:31:00.001+05:30

Dear You,

You have been in my thoughts for a while now and I am writting this to clear my mind!

I really like you. Yes, I know there are many things that I don't know about you; but I want to get to know you. I want to be close to you. I want to know every thought that crosses your mind. Above all I want you to want me!

I do understand that we are very different and maybe even nothing alike. But I think it's the fact that you are so different that makes me drawn towards you. You are a very unique person and that - I like :) You have something about you which makes you stand out from the rest and that I must say is very attractive.

I really want to be close to you. I know I can show you a lot of things which you haven't yet seen. I will take you to places to which you have never been before. I will show you a side of life which you haven't yet lived. We will do things we have never done before and live like there is no tommorow.

I care about you alot and I want to care about you for the rest of my life. I am not saying I am in love with you but I would love to grow old with you. There is a very big possibility that I might be falling in love with you and I would love to love you.

Right now I wish I could be alone with you for a few hours. Maybe go for a long walk and talk with you endlessly. There are lots of things I have been dying to ask you so we will have a lot to talk. I wish you knew how I feel about you and I hope you want the same things as I do.

I really don't know how I'm suppose to tell these things to you or whether I should be letting you know at all. But in case you do read this I hope you realise it's YOU I'm talking about.

Except for the fact that I wish you feel the same way there is nothing I'm expecting from you. I love the way you are and I hope you don't change!

With lots of love
& magic hugs
From
Me =)

Painting Pictures

2010-01-22T20:56:00.000+05:30

He told me to sit and think
So I thought hard and long
I know he is probably right
But that doesn't mean I'm wrong

I know he has his reasons
And I can understand why
But he will never understand
That then again so do I

I guess he probably loves me
Even more than he shows
But he aint lucky enough to see
That I love him more than he knows

I have clearly made mistakes
Doesn't mean he is a saint
While he sees the dark spots
I see the lovely picture we can paint

The Unspoken

2010-01-22T20:36:00.000+05:30

It's past mid night and I'm pretending to sleep
Then as usual I hear her starting to weep
Something is wrong because she would cry all night
But in the morning he'll pretend everything is all right

As he lies beside me I know he is awake
I know I should tell him but I don't have what it takes
I know he will listen and be there for me
But how on earth can I make him see

Her sobs are getting loud now she is hiding it no more
I just can't keep listening to her cries anymore
So I stop the pretence and I suddenly sit up
I try to ask whats wrong but then I give up

With his questioning eyes as he looked at me
There was nothing I could do other than cry you see
So I hugged him for dear life and let the tears pour
And felt so relieved for letting myself go

Only thing I could do was hold her tight
And try to comfort her through out the night
After a long time I realised her sobbing had stopped
When I looked down I saw that her eyes were shut

His comforting words had calmed me down
Even without knowing what's wrong he brought me around
It was then that I realised what I had done
When his tears started falling one by one

I try to keep her happy I try with all my heart
But something is wrong and she is falling apart
I do everything for her as I did all along
But she can't even tell what it is that's wrong

I look into his eyes and I let him know
What's going on inside me I let my feelings show
He understands and he hugs me again
We both go to sleep as we share the pain

It was then that I realised that you don't need to speak
To tell what's going on or show how you feel
The understanding and the bond we share
Was enough to let her know I am always there

I want....

2009-12-22T14:52:00.000+05:30

* I want to be happy
* I want him
* I want him to want me
* I want everything to be ok between him and me
* I want him to be happy
* I want to be able to trust him
* I want him to trust me
* I want to start studying... ( ok that's lie - it's only a need!)
* I want to pass my examz!
* I want santa to give me what I asked him for xmas!!!
* I want to laugh real hard
* I want to go crazy with my friends
* I want my BFF's to come back to SL
* I want to hug my bestie and cry really hard
* I want him to know all the things I am not telling him
* I want to relive some moments which mean a damn lot
* I want to live life so that I might want to relive it later
* I want to smile till my mouth hurts!
* I want to scream and sing with my sister's or friends
* I want to do all the weird things only me and my sisters do
* I want xmas to be like anyother xams ( full of fun and crazyness)
* I want to dance in the rain
* I want to party hard
* I want to scream and run round and jump up and down like an idiot
* I want to go insain!
* I want to go for a walk on my own
* I want to watch the sun set at the beach
* I want to meet him, hug him real hard, kiss him passionately and let him know exactly how I feel
* I want to live in certain moment of times
* I want to go to the beach, lie on my stomach in a corner and observe everone else... then think real hard as to what exactly I really want.. then have a sea bath play the fool.. forget baout everthing I thought and come home!!!

2009 - Things changed so fast!!!

2009-12-15T15:23:00.000+05:30

Jan : Everything was quite the usual. Days were hectic. Work was fun. Lectures were long and boring. Studies was hardly done. Friends were too busy to play the fool.

Feb : Convocation!!! Was so proud of Aiya getting a world prize. Partied a lot. Work was as usual. Books were not touched.

March : Broke up!!! (after 2 and a half years of being together) Was heart broken. Cried myself to sleep every night. Tried studying but didn't work. My friends tried really hard to distract me but didn't work. Went to work as usual, socialised as usual but nothing was normal!

April : Stopped work. Went into depression. Studied. Cried a lot. Wrote a lot. And studied even more. (studying is something I never have done before)

May : Examz!!! Stressed out. Freaked out. Cried. Studied. Almost died! BUt somehow did the examz..

June : Was back to being happy. Went on trips. Partied. Met up with friends. Started working again. My besties came home for summer!! Yes I was happy once again!

July : My best friend (who happens to be my ex - we had to break up because of unavoidable circumstances so we remained best of friends) was leaving to Aussie. Spent every moment possible with him. And after he left was upset and missed him a lot. But was with my other besties who were back for summer, so still went out a lot.

August : I turned 21!!! Had an awesome party. Loved it. In any case I partied with my friends a lot. Met this guy who kind of caught my eye. Flirted. Stopped work towards the last week. Got results. I passed my examz!!

September : Friends left back to uni abroad. Started lectures again. Started working in a new place. Kept on flirting.

October : Started falling for that boy. Started going out with him. Work was as usual. Lectures got a bit more hectic.

November : Work was boring. Studies were getting tough but didn't do anything about it. Falling in love more and more.

December : Mood swings!!! Friends are back on holiday. A lot of outings, trips and parties. The usual christmas celebrations. Stopping work this coming friday! (hoping to study for my finals from Jan)

Yes a lot did change this year!!! - I hope it's for the better!

=( =S Should I??

2009-12-08T09:49:00.000+05:30

I need to be alone. I need to run away. Somewhere far far away. where no one knows me. I need to cry for hours. I have to be alone! Instead I am stuck at stupid work!!!

Nothing will be the same again. I can feel it. I need my friends. But do I open up to them? Tell them everything? Even if I do there is nothing they can do about it. So maybe I should just keep it all inside.

But I have to let it go. Some way or the other. I need to take a long walk on my own. Reminisce everything. Cry as much as I want. Till my eyes start burning and my head starts to hurt. Then go back home and cry all night and hopefully fall asleep for about an hour before dawn.

Yes there is no other way. I have to cry it out.

Of course many of my friends drink at times like this. It goes against my principals. But desparate times calls for desparate messures right? I don't see the harm in trying it. It would be just one night. My friends do it all the time. Especially at times like these. They do it for the fun of it also. Why can't I right?

I have been through many a hard times and some how coped with them by just crying. It took sometime for me to figure out what made me want to turn to drinks. It is because all other times everyone around me knew why I was upset. I spoke to all my friends about it. Cried with everyone. This time I can't do that. I have no one to talk to. Crying alone is hard to do with out people noticing.

I really badly need to get high. Everyone is ever willing to get me high. So why not give in this once. Just once can't be so bad can it?

But if I go against my principals will I be able to put it behind me??

I.want.to.be.happy.again.

Is that alot to ask for?

Dear Me

2009-12-07T14:49:00.001+05:30

Dear 11 year old Me,

I know this is a little hard to grasp but I am you, only 10 years older. I wish I got this letter when I was your age so I am sending it to you.

No you don't know everything. You don't even know a lot. What you know is almost nothing. But you will learn.
Don't be stupid, please wear sunscreen... Getting dark is not cool!
Enjoy every moment you get to spend with your best friends. It wont always be this way. In time to come you'll get what I mean.
Don't bother looking at boys for the next five years. None of those boys are worth your attention.
Not everyone around you is your friend. But you will fall in trouble and only then will you know who your true friends are.
Take crazy pictures in outrageous poses. Don't worry about cleavage, there is still no facebook.
Don't curse going to school. Just enjoy it as much as possible. It's true - school days are the best days of your life.
Laugh as much as you can. It only gets harder to do so the older you get.
Listen to your mother, no matter how absurd she sounds. She does have the ability to predict the future.
They might tell you otherwise, but don't worry about your studies up until you leave school. You'll do just fine.
Love your family. They are the best you could ever ask for.
Wear what ever you feel like. That body is yours to flaunt. You get fat sooner than you think :P
His name is ________. You'll know him when you meet him. Marry him if you like or break his heart of you don't. Either way make sure he doesn't forget. Because you never will.
You are stubborn and you will never listen to others. But at least learn from your own mistakes.
Control your temper from now on. You might save yourself from getting into a lot of shit.
It's not that you can't. You can. You just have to try. Stop being so pessimistic.
You perform best under pressure. The more stressed you feel the better the result will be.
It's okay not to have an ambition. Things do fall into place later on. And something will direct you in the right direction.
Independence is great, freedom is even better but dependence is easier. So enjoy while you can.
Anything is possible. Believe in miracles but don't depend on them.
Don't let anyone stop you from doing all the crazy and weird things you want to do. Just do them anyway. That's what makes you - you!
Just follow your heart. Your head tends to thinks too much sometimes.
It really doesn't matter who you start off with but who you end up with does!
Never ever doubt this. YOU ARE AWESOME.

Knowing you, you might not listen to any of this. Don't worry I am proud of who you are. But I only wish I was there to give you a slap when you let xxxxxx get away with what he did!

Good Luck!!!
Love
Me!

WOOT :D

2009-12-07T09:52:00.000+05:30

So I was wrong. And I have never been this happy to know that I was wrong! The relief that ran through my body to hear he behaved. How happy I felt. How at ease I felt. It felt like finally my heart strated pumping blood. I suppose he really does love me. I know this is going all on the fact that he is being honest with me. But I will have to give him the benifit of the doubt wouldn't I? After all I do believe that he loves me. For the first time I belive that this might really work out. It feels so good to be able to trust him again. =)

Woot!!! =D

Never before....

2009-12-06T23:19:00.000+05:30

Never before have I loved someone who I couldn't trust. Never before have I stayed up all night wondering what he is upto. Never before have I been so insecure!!! Never before have I been so worried, scared and confused. Never before have I wanted so badly to scream or cry and at the same time hope that I wont have to. Never before have I felt my heart being so heavy. Never before have I felt that I might end up getting hurt real bad. Never before have I been so unsure. Never before have I wanted dialog to have better signal. Never before have I wanted to get through to him this bad. Never before have I wanted someone to talk to me instead of enjoy a party. Never before have I doubted the one I love this much. Never before have I wanted him to call me this badly. Never before have I been this restless. Never before have I not been able to fall asleep. Never before have I felt that there is something inside me which is about to explode. Never before have I felt that I am about to fall into peices. Never before have I wanted a re-assurance that everything will be fine. Never before have I wanted to hear him say he loves me this bad. Never before have I missed him so much. Never before have I felt so helpless. Never before have I felt this way.

And...
I.don't.like.this.one.bit.

And...
There is nothing I can do about it. =( Even if there is I just don't know what to do. =S

I silently yearn for you!

2009-11-23T14:44:00.000+05:30

You are one amazing person
But has anyone ever told you so?
I doubt very much they have
Because not everyone would know

What it takes to sit and watch
The world just passing by
With many a thoughts inside you
And no one really wonders why

But I find it very attractive
How you can sit and wait
While evryone else is rushing about
As if they are all late

Do you silently sit and observe
Every bodies moves?
Or do you observe just a person or two
If so how do you choose?

Or is it that your simply lost in thought
And not really aware
Of the happenings all around you
And in reality you aren't there

Do you notice things we don't
Or simply analise what we see
It makes you so silent and still
And it really amazes me

I want to sit beside you
And look at what you see
I wont disturb you or anything
I will just let you be

As I sit beside you silently
And watch the world go by
My thoughts would be full of you
And I will still wonder why

I want to get lost in your thoughts
I want to read every word on your mind
I want to know what you think of me
I want to make you mine!

A Walk To Remember!

2009-11-18T10:09:00.001+05:30

Have you ever decided to take a walk never knowing where you are headed? Or not knowing how long or short your walk would be? But the only thing you really knew is that both wont be walking to the same place. You knew that there would come a time where you will have to turn right and watch the other turn left and still keep walking even though you will terribly miss the compay of the other!

But you never realised that this walk could get tiring and that you might have to take a break for awhile before you continue walking. You also never realised that the road you are walking on wont always be a wide road where you would happily walk with your arms wide open or sing and dance and play the fool while walking, it could be so narrow that the things on either side of the road can scrape you or cut you. Sometimes it can keep scars that will last for ever. And when the road gets too narrow there will come a time when you have to walk one behind the other and hope that the one ahead wont wonder off too far or that the one at the back wont lag behind. Plus it never occured to you that the road could be real steep which might be a reason for you to stumble and fall and hurt yourself. Sometimes it will be justa small wound. But sometimes you fall real hard that leaves you bleeding for ever.

So what do you do when you do fall? Do you lie there on the floor bruised, battered and broken and allow yourself to drown in self pity? Or do you lie there for awhile and take a good hard look at yourself and realise all the wrong turns you took on your walk and also smile about all the right turns you took. You make yourself remember all the things you made yourself forget about on your way there. You laugh out loud remebering something silly you said or did with your friend which makes everyone at work look up at you with weird looks. You go for a movie with a few good old freinds. You read a book which totally draws you in. You dress up, go out and hear others compliment you. You sorround you self with friends who love you - flaws, drama, self pity, crap and all, and let them make you laugh.

And then somewhere down the line you realise the road you were walking on is not so steep after all. And then you find that somewhere in that pathetic loser you thought yourself to be there is courage enough for you to stand up again. And that you are strong enough to finish the walk you once started. And after taking the first few steps again you begin tentatively to hope.

You are bruised, broken and limping.
But you are walking!

Just a phase!

2009-11-11T11:31:00.000+05:30

I thought that there was nothing worng
And that everything was fine
I even looked at myself in the mirror
And managed to force smile

But then I saw your picture
And I looked at it agian
I took the frame into my hand
And took a walk down memory lane

It was then that I realized
How much I've really missed
How good things used to be
All the things we said and did

How much I missed hearing your voice
Or just the simple touch of your hands
All the things we used to dream about
Which carried me to fairy land

And then I remembered what went wrong
What made us so far apart
All the pain I went through
The day you broke my heart

But I couldnt help but imagine
How things could have been
All the things we could have done
And all the things we could have seen

Would you still be able to make me smile
The way you did before
Would I have still made you happy
Could we still capture the show

While wiping away my tears
I put the picture in its place
And told myself I am fine
This is just a phase

So what now?

2009-11-09T14:13:00.000+05:30

So he thinks I am cute. So he kind of likes me. So he flirts. So I think he is cute. So I do like him. So I flirt. So he is my brothers' friend. So we don't take it any further. So he goes out with another girl. So we talk less. So he breaks up with that girl. So we talk more. So we flirt more. So he is still my brohers' friend. So we still don't take things any further. So he goes out with a totally different girl. So we talk less. So he breaks up with her. So we talk more. So the cycle goes on!

So how long more do we play this game? So do I keep playing it? So is there anything wrong if we keep playing this? So what if he feels I will always be there? So is there anything wrong with that? So why do I feel I should stop it? So what if he feels I wont always be there would he take things further? So is that why I want to stop? So what if he feels I wont always be there would he just stop talking altogether? So do I want to take that risk? So since I don't I'll keep playing the game.

So what now???

We the 13 cousins wrote!

2009-11-09T13:54:00.002+05:30

Seeya on your birthday

There is something we’d like to say

About all the things you do everyday

That makes you special in everyway

The crisp Rs 100 notes you give

That mark each year; how long we’ve lived

And you never miss a chance to show

What a dancing star you were before

“Enid Blythe caught a fly”

And in deed the flies do fry

In that mozzie zapper that you bought

That has no mercy of any sought

Rise and shine early morn

Round the lake you take a walk

Socks worn high and shirt tucked in

A classic sight to us you bring

The mini zoo you have at home

Wont match any in France or Rome

The countless show dogs that you’ve bred

All of whom have now dropped dead

Although you say its for your ills

We know you like to “pop your pills”

Your simply unique joking skills

Which secretly give Archchie thrills

When we walk into the house & pass the dinning place

We can’t miss that mini bar that stares us in the face

Drinks of all sorts; some soft made swift

Mixed with orange and apple twist

Every Sunday the round table you lay

To keep the adults far away

While we get the chance to play

And wreck your room in every way

In every way you are refined

Specially when you are dressed to dine

In coat and tie; Oh so fine

That makes ‘em ladies pass a line

Your in for parting twenty four seven

But note; Only good boys go to heaven

R.I.P the King of Pop

But long live our King of choc

We cherish the stories you relate

Of your pass adventures great

The funny acts you demonstrate

Have us laughing at a rate

In your pocket that laugh you hide

And bring it back to make us smile

You always go that extra mile

To make our lives worth the while

Thirteen stranzas with four lines

Are not enough to speak our minds

Cause everything you do is done with love

For family, friends and God above.

Dear Simba

2009-10-12T12:14:00.000+05:30

There is something I have been wanting to tell you for sometime now. But I never really got around telling it because I never really thought it was the right time. But now I realise the right time will never come. It was really never meant to be said.

But then why do I write?

It is because even though I know it should never be told I still want you to know. I want you to know that I care for you far more than I should, I trust you with my life and I have always been honest with you. I know that you are a really nice person and I like you a hell of a lot. I can infact tell that I do love you despite my efforts of trying not to or denying it to myself.

But now time has come to let go and try and move on. Not easy I understand, but sooner or later we will have to open our eyes to reality. Things will never be the way we want it to be. We can't keep living in our own little worlds we will have to face facts. And in doing so if we have to part our ways or even if we don't I just want you to know.. I love you! Despite what the world at large has to tell about us and no matter how wrong it seems when I am standing by your side it just feels right. I might never get a chance to hug you again, but the few times you held me in your arms I did pay a visit to heaven.

What I shared with you may not be anything much but I am thankful for all those little moments. The moments of belonging, moments of loving, moments in heaven, moments of bliss, moments of happiness and all other moments that made everything so special will never be forgotten come what may. And I want you to know that these moments of you and I means such a lot to me, even more than it should.

I also wanted to tell you go ahead live life. Enjoy every bit of it but please don't go the wrong way. You can be the best boy ever only if you try. So I hope you try and be nothing less than the best. Someday if you remain in the right track you will make me smile and most of all you'll make me proud. Play the fool as much as you want but don't forget that studies is your priority.

I have faith in you. I believe in you and I believe that someday you'll make me proud! Last of all I want you to know that if you and I are meant to happen it will, if it doesn't then it was never meant to happen and that is because you are bound to meet your "The One" later on.

Hope you never forget me.
Much love.
Naala

Fast so fast.. Too short to last!

2009-09-27T11:58:00.000+05:30

I really need to get a grip. Hold on to something real tight. The worlds spinning way too fast these days. I know the world has always been spinning but never this fast! I'm afraid I'll get thrown off. Yes everything is moving so fast. But some how or rather no one else seems to have noticed it. Everyone else also has increesed their pace. But I don't know why I can't keep up. So many things happening at the same time. And I have to hold on to something.

I look around. There is nothing strong enough which I can cling on to. And then I see you. Out of sheer desparation and the little bit of hope left in me I hold you. Not too tight to scare you off and not too loose where I could easily slip away. Just enough to keep moving with others. Not to get left behind.

But I wonder whether you know it. Do you know what you do to me. How much I need you to just keep up with the rest of the world.......

Why is everything happening so fast? Because of that I know everything will be tooo short to last! Life sucks...

I am...

2009-08-31T16:06:00.000+05:30

I am me. That is all I can be.

I live. Sometimes I just exist. I survive. Sometimes I struggle.

I laugh. I cry. Sometimes I wish I could die.

I touch. Sometimes I feel. I hear. Sometimes I listen. I learn. Sometimes I absorb.

I see. Sometimes I look. I think. I understand. I talk. Sometimes I stay silent.

I smile. I tear. Sometimes I do both together.

Sometimes I give up and drop. Sometimes I am overdriven and I can’t stop.

Sometimes I rebel. Sometimes I revel. Sometimes I mourn.

I lust. I desire. I love. Sometimes my heart hurts, cracks and breaks as a result.

I scream. I sing. I am happy. Sometimes I am afraid.

Sometimes I smile when I feel like screaming. Sing when I feel like crying. Cry when I am happy and laugh when I am afraid.

I empathize. I sympathize. I pity.

I need. Mostly want. Sometimes I can’t tell one from the other.

I doubt. I reason. Sometimes I negotiate.

I hug. I kiss. I embrace.

Sometimes I am soft. Sometimes I am strong.

I know to tell right from wrong. Sometimes I forget how to. Sometimes I don’t want to.

I strive. I thrive. I endure. I overcome. I care. I hurt. Sometimes I heal.

I wish. I dream. I believe.

I fall. I stand up. Sometimes lie fallen for a long time before I stand up.

I hate. I hurt. I help. Sometimes I need help.

I am shy. I am proud. Sometimes I am ashamed.

I hope. Sometimes I know it’s hopeless. I still hope.

I have wisdom, knowledge, intelligence. Sometimes I choose to use those gifts. Other times I take them for granted.

I love. Sometimes I lose.

I dare. I do. I am brave. Sometimes I fear.

I have courage. I have strength. I am happy. Sometimes I am sad.

I envy. I long. I forgive. Sometimes I forget.

I have infinite potential. Sometimes I forget what this is.

I am patient. I am aware. Sometimes I am oblivious.

I can’t. I can. Sometimes I think I can’t when I can. Sometimes I believe I can when I can’t.

I can manipulate the world around me. I can simply let it slide. I choose. I understand my choices.

Sometimes I am positive. Sometimes I am negative. Most of the time I am indifferent.

I am right. I am wrong. Sometimes I really don’t know.

I am lost. I am alone. I am pushed around. Sometimes I push them around.

I care. I don’t. Mostly I care but pretend I don’t.

I am apathetic.

I give up. I give in. Sometimes I give it all I got. I give everything.

I get what I want. I get what I don't want. Mostly I get what I deserve.

I act. More often I react.

I am Gods greatest gift. And his heaviest burden.

I am human.

26!!!!

2009-08-10T10:08:00.000+05:30

This is just another birthday wish

Like the millions you have heard before

Wishing you all the best in life

Everything you want and so much more

The wording maybe different

But the wish is just the same

Only thing that might make it special

Is the source from which it came :P

Your birthday comes once a year

So go do something you've never done

Twenty six is a tad too old

But not too old to have some fun :P :P

Good friends vs Great friends

2009-07-01T14:11:00.000+05:30

1. When you are in trouble good friend offers to help but a great friend will not take 'no' for an answer.

2. When you are in jail a good friend will bail you out but a great friend will be right beside you saying ' we screwed up but we still had fun.'

3. At the most crucial stages a good friend will tell you what you want to hear but a great friend will tell you things you don't want to tell yourself.

4. When you are in an embaressing situation a good friend will offer to lend support but a great friend will pretend nothing is wrong.

5. A good friend loves us for all the good things in us but great friend knows our flaws and still loves us anyway.

6. A good friend thinks the friendship over again when you have had an arguement but a great friend knows it's not a friendship until you have had a fight.

7. A good friend will sympathize with you when you are sad but a great friend will help you get pissed and plot revenge against the idiots who made you sad.

8. A good friend will keep in touch often but a great friend will get in touch when you need them to.

9. A good friends understands how you feel when you tell them but a great friend understands even without the use of words.

10.A good friend is hard to find but a great friend is harder to leave.

11.When you are with a good friend you do stuff and have loads of fun but when you are with a great friend you do nothing and still have loads of fun.

12.Even if you look funny a good friend will tell you look pretty but a great friend will tell you look hideous and get you to change your out fit.

13. Similarities creates a good friend but differences hold great friends together.

14. A good friend will call to see how you are but a great wont call instead they will come over.

15.A good friend will joke about others but a great friend will joke about each other.

16.A good friend will tell all the right things but stay away but a great friend will be there holding your hand and might be telling all the wrong things.

17.A good friend will grow apart when growing seperately but a great friend will still be together.

18.When you are with a good friend silence is awkward but with a great friend silence is one of the most meaningful conversations.

19. With a good friend you try to have fun but with a great friend you are just yourself.

20.When you are scared a good friend will comfort you but a great friend will bug the shit out of you until you are not.

21. When you fall down a good friend will help you up but a great friend will laught and then help you up.

22.When you smile for no reason a good friend will smile back but a great friend will know that you are thinking about something they would probably want to be involved in.

23.A good friend will hand you tissue till you cry your heart out but a great friend will somehow make you stop.

24.A good friend will lie to make you feel better but a great friend will tell you the truth and then make you feel better.

25.A good friend will tell things to make you laugh but with a great friend laughter is part of a day-to-day conversation.

food glorious food!

2009-07-01T11:26:00.000+05:30

Its 11.25 and I am hungry.... wish 5 was at home and not at work!!!!

I want food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 35 mins more for lunch.... this is killing me....

he is going

2009-07-01T10:39:00.000+05:30

People always leave
Noone is here to stay
But when the love of you life is leaving
What are you suppose to say

Miss you is the obvious
Love you he's heard before
But everytime you say it
I know it means much more

Words don't seem enough
But what else do you give
Gifts he gets from everyone
And words can make you live

Poems, letters and stories
I have written plenty and more
But I am not sure whether it's clear
That I simply can't let go

A week or so with him
That is all I've got
To do all the things I want to do
And tell him everything I have not

I have tried to get through
But I don't think he understands
That when he has nobody
I still give him an helping hand

And now as he is leaving
There is nothing I could do
Just watch him pass by
And hope he feels the way I do

It came out like a river once I let it out... When I thought I wouldn't know how...

2009-06-25T11:32:00.000+05:30

So many questions haunt my mind right now and so many voices are inside my head screaming too many different things. But there is this one thing which all the voices in my head scream in unison and even my mind agrees to it. That is the fact that NOONE CAN EVER KNOW!

It has to be 'our' secret. Just me and the person who I trust the most in the whole wide world. I really don't know whether I still trust him the most or whether I trust him at all but I know that he wants this kept a secret as much as I do. No, I don't believe that that is true either. But however I know he will keep our secret. I am 100% sure of that.

But why can't I just forget about it? So nobody knows. Nobody ever will. Then why is it still haunting me? Why does it always come into mind as soon as I think I might be over it. Will anybody ever get to know? Is that what I am afraid of? Is that why I can't seem to stop thinking about it?

The voices in my head are screaming louder now. I think I am getting a head ache again. I still manage to force a smile and laugh and pretend everything is okay. Will anybody ever see through this? If they do will they ever know why I fake it. What happens if someone gets to know? Wait! I don't want to know the answer for that. Noone can get to know. This should only be known by him and me. 'Our' secret remember. But will I be able to keep it? Can I go on like this? Am I that strong? It doesn't seem to matter now does it? I have to be that strong. I don't have a choice.

What if someone questions me. I know I have to just smile and laugh and somehow convince otherwise. But what if I break down? What if the bruises are so deep that I bleed too much? What if someone sees the scars which have been left behind on my mind? Why can't these questions stop popping into my head. I have faked it very well all this time. Or atleast I think I have. I should be able to keep faking it right?

So do I just keep writting like this? Does writting like this help? Why is the cut so deep? Why is it bleeding so much? Will the bleeding ever stop? I need to stop thinking about this. Writting makes me think I think. Feel like just breaking down and letting go and just crying. Crying helps I know. But only for awhile. In the long run its more depressing. All I can do is just fake it. I feel like locking myself up in my room, where the radio is on turned up so loud and noone would hear me screaming. Screaming helps too. But that too only for awhile. Because once I do get tired of screaming I do burst out crying.

My lips hurt by forcing this smile. I know I probably have to live this lie all my life. Can I do it? Will I do it? Why can't the past just die? Now too many years have been spent fighting back these tears and the past still seems so alive. Why oh why can't the past just die? I know I am whining but there is nothing else I could do right?

Sometimes I wonder whether I actually do deserve this. Could it by any chance be my fault. I know that it can't be. I never asked for it. But could I have stopped it. If so how? Did I ever actually see it coming and choose to ignore the signes. Did I? If I did just by ignoring does this become my fault. If it is havn't I got punished enough? How long will I have to go on like this? Until the end of time I guess.

Life is not fair. This I learnt long time ago. But what I seem to be still learning is how unfair life can get. This lesson I am sure to keep learning as long as I live.

The voices in my head have started to scream again. I just can't find a way to get them to shut up. Sometimes I like listening to those screams. It's painful but at times it is the only thing which helps. It is the only thing which sometimes makes sense. It is the only thing which understand how and what I have been through. And the fact that noone else can hear them actually makes me smile.

I am tired now. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am finally falling asleep. And as I close my eyes I can't help but wonder whether he does go through this and feel it as much as I do? Does it really matter? When tears roll down my cheek as I fall asleep I realise that it is the only thing that really matters......

It's Just Another Game

2009-06-11T14:20:00.000+05:30

I have been waiting for so long
For prince charming to come along
Riding a nice white horse
To take me to a place no one knows

It took me quite some while
But right now I do realize
That I have been living in fairy land
And nothing happens the way its planned

Prince charming is here all right
But there's no white horse by his side
And he is not taking me anywhere
Just going in circles here and there

Sometimes I really don't care
What's he thinking or whether he's there
But then again deep down I know
He's everything I want and even more

So I'll keep waiting bidding my time
Hoping someday for sure he'll be mine
Till then I'll keep playing this game
Pretending, as he does the same

Only He Can

2009-06-08T14:21:00.000+05:30

Everyone can share the smile on my lips
But only he can wipe the tears from my eyes
Everyone can see the happiness on my face
But only he can see the sorrows inside

Everyone sees me having fun all the time
But only he ever sees me cry
Everyone can see me acting weird sometimes
But only he will ever know the reason why

Everyone can hear the songs I sing
But only he can hear my painful cries
Everyone can see the shine in my eyes
But only he can see the dismay of my sighs

Everyone can hear all the words I say
But only he can sense what I dont
Everyone can see the softness on my face
But only can see the bruises in my soul

Everyone can hear the laughter in my words
But only he can sense the pain in my voice
Everyone can only see what I let them see
And he is the only one who can guess what I hide

Take time to understand!!

2009-04-27T10:33:00.000+05:30

Why do we close our eyes,
When we imagine? When we kiss?
This is because the most beautiful things in
the world are unseen.

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird
and when we find someone whose weirdness
is compatible with ours,
we join up with them and fall in
Mutual weirdness and call it love.

There are things that we never want to let go of,
People we never want to leave behind,
But keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world,
It's the beginning of a new life.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt,
Those who have searched and those
Who have tried.
For only they can appreciate the importance of the people
who have touched their lives.

A great love? It's when you shed
Tears and still
You care for him,
It's when he ignores you and still you long for him.
It's when he begins to love another and yet you still smile
and say I'm happy for you.

If love fails, set you free,
Let your heart spread its wings and fly again.
Remember you may find love and lose it, but when love dies,
You never have to die with it.

The strongest people are not those who always win
But those who stand back up when they fall.
Somehow along the course of life, you learn about yourself and realize
there should never be regrets, only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you've made.

A true friend understands when you say, I forgot,
Waits forever when you say, just a minute,
Stays when you say leave me alone,
Opens the door even before you knock and say can I come in?

Loving is not how you forget but
How you forgive,
Not how you listen but how you understand,
Not what you see but how you feel,
And not how you let go but how you hold on.

It's more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly.
Outward tears can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever.

In love, very rarely do we win
But when love is true, even if you lose,
You still win just for having the tingle of loving Someone
More than you love yourself.

There comes a time when we have to stop loving someone
Not because that person has stopped loving us
But because we have found out
That they'd be happier if we let go.

It's best to wait for the one you want
than settle for one that's available.
Best to wait for the one you love
than one who is around.
Best to wait for the right one
because life is too short to waste on just someone.

Sometimes the
One you love turns out to be the one,
who hurts you the most,
And sometimes the friend who takes you into his arms
And cries when you cry
Turns out to be the love you never knew you wanted.

If you really love someone never let go,
Don't believe that letting go means that you love best,
Instead fight for your love,
That's what true love is.

Laugh to your heart's content; you cannot go through life without it.

When you say I love you mean it.
Never type a love letter always use a fountain pen.
Never leave a loved one in anger.

And remember its better to have loved and lost than top have never loved at all.

Don’t over look life’s small joys searching for the big ones.
Remember that no time is ever wasted that makes two people better friends.
In a disagreement with loved ones deal with the current situation, don’t bring up the past.

The best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater that the need for each other.

To do or Not to do?

2009-03-26T10:46:00.000+05:30

I know I have mentioned a couple of cute boys here and there
But this cute boy has some kind of a magical flair

A little bit of flirting has gone on for awhile
But the out come of it I never realized

I have always liked him that much I know
Never did I realize how much it shows

I also had a feeling he might like me too
Last night he confirmed my feeling was true

He is afriad to start something as my brother he knows
He said "darling I dont wanna screw things up with your bro"

I understand he is my bro's friend but it is so unfair
He thinks he might lose my bro too if it goes wrong somewhere

But he said lets take our time and see how things go
We could start something later on you know

So I have no choice but keep waiting I guess
Just keep flirting and hope for the best

I think its really stupid because we plan on hanging out
And I don't think my bro would care if we go out

I already told my brother that I like him so
He just keeps telling he will let him know

He keeps bugging me for him its just a joke
Little does he know... and if he does will he choke

For now all I can do is wait and see
How things turn out and what will be

Things to be proud about?!?!

2009-03-25T10:14:00.000+05:30

Well... this is how random my thoughts can get... But with lack of anythng else to do (because I am at work, if I was at home I would be studying) my mind wonders to all sorts of crazy things! Right now I am trying to figure that if I were to die today what would be the things I would be proud about? It is not that I have done brilliantly well in my studies or done exceptionaly well in a sport.. Wonder if I actually have things to be proud about? lets see........

*think*

1. Ok so I am proud to be a Sri Lankan
2. Proud of my school
3. The fact that I became a senior prefect
4. Proud to be a Royal fan!!!
5. The fact that I row!
6. Proud of my friends... they just awesome in every way!
7. Proud to be a member of one of the coolest families in SL.. hehe (parents, bro and sis's all included)
8. Proud to have gotten on a thomians shoulders to wave the Royal flag! ;)
9. Proud to have run on to the grounds when Royal scored the winning runs! ;) :D
10. The fact that we gave sleeping tablets to a teacher..!
11. To have represented school in a sport.. Especially the tour to Malaysia
12. To have got school colours
13. Getting through my A/Ls and the LLB 1st year!
14. Proud of the awesomest relationship I had with Lover Boy and everything we shared and did
15. Of my 18th birthday party! it was the best ever!!!
16. All the crazy things we have done in school...

well... thats as much as I can come up with now! Are these even things to be proud about??? I am anyway..

Who knows the answers?

2009-03-25T09:55:00.000+05:30

If breaking up now is the best thing you just break up right?? Or do you just blindly carry on till you have no choice but break up??And if you choose to break up now you will have to take the blame of going out knowing very well of the threat of having to break up right?? But doesn't going out always have a risk of breaking up?? No one promises that it will be sun shine and smooth sailing all along now do they?? And if you choose to blindly carry on wont it be even harder to break up when the time comes?? So if you break up now and give a totally different reason for the break up it would be easier for the partner to get over you right?? So what if you say you like someone else or that you don't like him anymore.. Your partner will never get to know the real reason right?? It would be easier for him to get over you right ; rather than just blame the world for its cruelty??

Here goes my personality test.. :)

2009-03-23T20:54:00.000+05:30

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Here is the analysis:
1. You are a very serious person. You tend to be quiet and well behaved, and you don't have a great deal of self-confidence. You prefer to be alone rather than with friends and that could make you a little less interesting to certain types of guys. You are very attractive in an individual kind of way, and this means it can take people a little while to get to like you.

2. You don't really care about other people's feelings. You do things the way you want and usually think only about yourself. You are easy-going and love to have fun, but you can be irresponsible as well. You are not keen on serious discussions because they can make you remember that life isn't always about parties.

3. You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.

4. Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?

5. Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

Here is the analysis:
You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

Bright and Cheerful
You are always cheerful and charming. You never get too serious with people when they're around, but when you are alone, you think carefully about what they have said. That's because you don't want anyone to see you being too somber. Your personality means you have a lot of friends and you are often the center of attention. Many people who fall into this category become artists and movie stars, perhaps fame could be yours in the future as well.

You value your friendships: 50%
You value your friendships quite a lot but you don't like to show your feelings to others. You would rather keep your feelings to yourself than share them with your friends. You might get a pleasant surprise if you are more open about caring for people - they will probably let you know that you're special to them, too.

Here is the analysis:
Your sweetheart is like a big brother to you. He is kind and always takes good care of you. He is a dream boyfriend; gentle and compassionate, he is completely and utterly dedicated to the girl he loves. It's easy to please him because he appreciates everything you do for him. There's no need to worry about changing yourself in any way because he accepts you the way you are. When this type of man fall in love it's going to be deep and quite probably forever.

Jealousy Level: 35%
You harbor no feelings of jealousy.You are calm and often think differently compared to other people. You don't get jealous because you believe that other people's business is theirs alone. So what if they're beautiful and score all the guys? That's their luck! Some people may think of you as being a bit of a loner.

This That and The Other

2009-03-18T09:28:00.000+05:30

Have been so busy the past few weeks I didn't even have time to blog. Honest to god though I have been doing some kind of studies these days. But I guess it is high time since I have 63 days more for my exam... Damn it I am so fraked out!!!!! Last week I missed my lectures to go for the roy - tho; my priorities are so messed up I think. Of course I did catch up on my notes and did a bit of extra studies to compensate!

Everyone else has stopped work already in order to study. But me trying to be too smart thought I can manage and now running a race against time!

With all that work to be done I am still going for the roy-tho one day match! I am twisted aint I? But in my defence I would not be missing a lecture this time around. Plus I would get to see Lover Boy again. (pathetic I know!) Plus I am hoping Royal would win!

I have not said this before now have I? I am one of the greatest Royal College fans. Go ROYAL!!

Sigh... I know... I should get back to getting some work done without just wasting time.

P.S. - I still think the match was worth missing the lectures! :D (don't even talk about my priorities)

Is It A Rape Or Was There Consent?

2009-03-08T12:35:00.000+05:30

It was just past 8.oo p.m. and she was alone in the house cooking. She hates to cook just for herself but she had no choice, she was hungry and there was nothing else to eat!

She heard the front door open and close. She wondered who it could be. She knew it can't be him. He said he wont be home till around midnight.

She was right it was not him. Right in front of the door was some stranger. A tall, dark and hot stranger. "who are you? what do you want?" was all she could say before this strange man pulled out a knife. She was shocked scared and dumbstruck that all she could do was stand there. While the stranger kept getting closer with the knife in his hand she kept walking back till she was against the wall. When she finaly came around from the shock, she screamed as loud as she could as he grabbed her by the wrist. He closed her mouth with one hand held the knife against her neck from the other while pushing her against the wall and said "Shut up or I'll kill you!!!" This just only made her scream louder while struggling to get his grip off...

However much she tried to get away from him while he forcefully kissed her was all in vain as he was a strong man. But she did not give up. She tried her best to push him away and screamed at every possible moment while piece by piece her clothes were taken off and so was his.

He was so good at what he had come to do. He knew exactly what move to make, when and how. And most importantly how to make the other feel good. He had had enough practice to perfect the art.

But she did not notice his talents and was far from feeling good. She was scared, angry, crying and desparately in need to get away, which was far harder to do now, since he had pushed her on to the couch and got on top of her.

After many a struggles and screams from her and many a moves from the stranger she finaly gave up all her efforts of trying to get away and gave in to him as he smoothly entered into her.

The struggling had stopped and the screams became more of sexual nature. It was painful alright but she was enjoying it. She held his body against it to his rhythmetic movements. She knew this can't be right but it did not feel wrong either. So she let go of all resistance and gave into her temptations of enjoying everything the stranger had come to do.

After it was all over the stranger walked out of the house satisfied with himself and knowing very well that he will never see the inside of that house again.

She was still lying on the couch... naked... crying... full of hurt and hate... Hating the stranger for what he did and hating her self for actually enjoying it!

As the clock struck 11 she somehow pulled herself together and wore her clothes piece by piece and awaited his arrival. Not even god knew whether she would confide in him of what happened tonight!

Single Mom

2009-03-04T23:14:00.000+05:30

I had mentioned on a note on facebook on 25 rondom things about me that I feel I will be a single parent one day! And the mentioning of it lead to the following conversation with a friend last night...

Friend : why do you fear that you will be a single mom someday?

Me: I dunno... Just a feeling... I don't fear it though.. I think I quite like it!

Friend : Can I tell you something? No offence just an instinct... I think its possibly likely too...

Me : I know... anyway I told my mom if I don't marry I will adopt a kid..

Friend : You are trying to be a single mom without marrying... Happoo I don't like that!

Me : lol.. But I have a feeling I will marry.. Have about 2 kids.. Possibly a son and a daughter... And then divorce...

Friend : You have it all planned out huh? Do you think it will be lover boy?

Me : I'm not sure... I feel it might not be him... But he might be the reason for divorce!!! Anyway I have a feeling the kids would live with me after the divorce..

Friend : ummm ok... So if you feel that lover boy is the reason for divorce, why marry anyway?

Me : lol good point!

Friend : I told you are a complex person... It surprises me that we made such good friends...

Me : I think I wont see the potential threat for divorce before marriage so I'll marry!

Friend: Well... You are seeing it now!!!

Me: I am assuming! When I am marrying I will forget all of these assumptions and get married.. I will be too caught up with the moment and my husband to be!

Friend : I dunno men.. You will be unhappy neh but.. Going through the divorce and all!!

Me: Sigh... I guess so!

Living A lie

2009-03-03T09:55:00.000+05:30

So much to do in so little time
Words I cannot find which rhyme

So much to say not enough words
Wish I could just fly like a bird

So much to show cannot find ways
Its just an hour but seems like days

So many moments but cannot get enough
Why is life always so tough

Two different stories but just one me
I am living a lie, now I see

The Touch Of Your Hands

2009-02-24T08:48:00.000+05:30

As she walked into the room and scanned the crowd she made a mental note 'woah he is cute' while noticing a guy. At that same time he noticed her walking in and silently told himself 'damn she is pretty'. But they both hid their feelings so well. Didn't give each other too much attention nor did they completely ignore one another. They spoke to each other just as much as they spoke to the rest. They did not try to impress the other and was a not afraid to make a complete fool of themselves and do the craziest of things. Didn't even give each other an extra glance. None of their other mutual friends seem to notice how they felt. Infact they themselves didn't know how the other felt. This was partly the reason why they hid their feelings and partly because they didn't want their friends to start bugging each other. Both were being so mature about it. Neither of them knew how the other felt. Not until it was time to leave. As they said good bye to each other, their hands touched and they both let it be so for two or three seconds longer than they should have, letting each other know exactly how they felt. So as they said good bye and walked thier different ways, they both went knowing very well that it's just the begining and not the end.

Awaiting A Decision

2009-02-24T08:38:00.000+05:30

I walk not knowing
What lies ahead
He'll decide and tell
Whether to turn right or left

The decision is not
Mine to make
But what ever the out come
I will not break

I shall keep walking
Come what may
With my head held up
I'll walk all day

I have fallen into many
A dumps before
It stopped me for awhile
But then I let go

I know it's not easy
I know it'll pain
Even with sun shine
God gives us rain

I'll try not to break
And fall apart
I'll rewrite my story
Again from the start

Down on my knees
To the gods I pray
Just keep me happy
Come what may

On My Way Home

2009-02-16T16:31:00.000+05:30

Everyday I walk home
Along the same route
Always lost in my thoughts
Never bother to look

But one day quite by accident
I saw this guy pass
A guy with damn good looks
And a guy with class

The rest of the walk
I was lost in thought alright
Thoughts of this random guy
Who had caught my sight

Now everytime I walk
The usual sites I'd see
Then sometimes I would wonder
"Did he look at me?"

I never got a really close look
And never did I see his smile
Which said more than just
A simple "hello" or "good bye"

Not untill one day under the same tree
When the rain came pouring down
As we looked at each other he whispered
But yet he made no sound

But now I can't help but wonder
Why my heart does long
To pass him on the roadway
And sing him this song

A Valentines With A Difference!

2009-02-13T13:53:00.000+05:30

Well.. so tomorrow is valentines day. But I have not got anything much planned. It's not like I am single or anything. I mean I can't even remember the last time I was single on valentines day! But always me and my respective other at the relevant time have not made a 'big deal' about it. But we always did 'something'.

This time it's going to be different. My boy friends abroad at the moment and I highly doubt whether we will meet on line even. It kind of sucks. But I am ok. Not complaining. Just stating facts.

All these years I have been getting something on valentines day from someone or other. Need not necessarily be my guy. But this time I am sure I wont get anything. Not complaining again just stating facts.

Well due to the above reasons I think I will celebrate valentines day with my best firend. Probably go out for dinner or something. That is if my friend has no other plan! Will see how things go..!

Time To Hit The Books

2009-02-13T09:44:00.000+05:30

So as I keep walking on this road called life I am just about to take another turn. And I know this turn will slightly alter my life style a little bit as all turns always do.

Let me first do some self revelation here. Yes, I do go to work and spend atleast 8 hours of a given week day at office like most of you people out there. Plus I am also in my 2nd year of the LLB. Which means whole of saturdays and some late evenings during the week days I have to dedicate myself to lectures and tutorials! This in turn means that sunday is the only day that I have time to spend with myself or anyone else for that matter. On a typical Sunday though, I have rowing early in the moring and I go to my grand parents house for lunch where I spend time with my beloved cousins. In additon to all of this I row, go for ballet and martial arts classes and currently even learning to drive. Well such is my boring life.

But now as I take another turn, life is going to be a bit more hectic. Well it's not that my work load at office has increased or anything, but I have promised to help my boss on a private business by being a researcher for him for a UNDP project. I am not sure exactly my work on that should start. I am also having my exams coming up in May. Just 2 and a half months away from my exams I have finally decided to actually hit the books from today! This is exactly the turn in life I was talking about. It's not like I have ever flunked an exam or anything but neither have I ever studied. I am a crammer. I just study probably a week before and that also not much. Therefore if I actually get around studying from now on (which I hope to) it is going to be a big step in life for me.

However alocating time to my studies should not be a problem at all. But alocating time to my friends and studies is going to be a bit chaotic. Especially when best friends who study abroad surprise me by standing at my door step as I walk home. Well as I said ealier, I do realize that life is going to be a bit hectic. But I have made up my mind. I will hit the books head on from today onwards. Only thing which is giving me doubts as to whether I should actually start today is the fact that today is Friday the 13th. It is suppose to be an unlucky day and I sure do hope that it doesn't bring bad luck to my studies! Studying law means you need the best of luck in the world!

So heres to me and my hope to study sessions. FYI I have already done a study plan.

Moments

2009-02-12T10:45:00.000+05:30

I'll stay up all night just to hear you breathing
I'll walk a thousand miles just to see you smiling

Just a look in your eyes is enough for me to cheer
A touch of your hands is a lot to ask I fear

To hold your hand I'll even give up for ever
When I sit by your side I thank god we are together

I watch you from far and wonder what your thinking
Just to hear your voice gives me a tingling feeling

When ever you hug me I can't stop smiling
The day you carried me I felt like I was flying

When ever you smlie or simply just watch me
There is no where else on earth I wish I could be

The way you hold my hand when we are walking
My heart skips a beat even when we are talking

The undescribeable feeling of a almost kiss
Not a single moment with you I want to miss

I could stay lost in these moments for ever
If only you know what it means for me to be together

You Say It Best When You Say Nothing At All

2009-02-06T09:49:00.000+05:30

Yes, I want to meet you. I really do. No, not to have a conversation or not to start a fight. Not to even laugh like we used to and have fun. That would be all just a pretense. Just for me to sit next to you and just enjoy the feeling of you being by my side. Yes, to enjoy the silence and still hear every word you would probably be saying. Just so that you could look into my eyes and see for yourself that what you say is not who I am or how I feel. No, not a word need to be spoken. Only to look into each others eyes and maybe an occasional smile. Probably not a happy one but a smile which would say 'I know what your thinking but this is how it will be'. I know that we will both hear very clearly all the words which will go unspoken. No, we need not confide in each other or admit exactly how we feel. We could let our ears explode with the deafening silence. No, there would be no need for you to hold my hand or even say good bye. No, I promise there would be no tears rolling down my cheeks. When we feel like it's time to leave all we have to do is just stand and walk our different ways. No need to look back. You know exactly where I would be going and what I would be doing and I will not question your doings. It will all soon be over and we can get lost in our own worlds as soon as we walk away. But you and I both know that the silence we shared between us made absolute sense and probably will never be forgotten.

25 Things About Me

2009-02-02T12:06:00.000+05:30

Well I got this from facebook post which I was tagged in.. But I thought it would me more practical to write 25 honest things about me here.. ;) If I could find 25 that is.. so here goes!

1. I am in love :)
2. I miss my school days
3. I am a drama queen :P
4. I miss my best friends
5. I am selfish
6. I am stubborn
7. I love music
8. I wish upon stars :):)
9. I care for people who I should not care about
10. I don't believe in god
11. I believe in miracles
12. I am a peoples person
13. I get what I want... and if I can't get then I don't want
14. I am cheerful by nature
15. I love the beach
16. I love to party
17. I can be very mean when I want to
18. I believe in giving people second chances
19. I don't believe in love at first sight
20. I make better friends with boys than with girls (most of the time)
21. I believe that first cut is the deepest
22. I have never got drunk and don't intend to
23. I am not as innocent as I look
24. I am 'all fart no shit' at times
25. I want to stop studying as soon as possible!!

The Dark Side

2009-01-25T19:01:00.000+05:30

I'm afraid to think of what lies ahead
I can not see on what I tread

I'm all alone with just darkness around me
I'm afraid of myself and who I'll turn out to be

I'm afraid of the evil thoughts running through my head
Sometimes I find myself wishing I was dead

I'm afraid of what I'll do when my dark side shows
The evilness inside me I don't want to expose

I feel I'm happy in the darkness and I don't want the light
And I'm afriad that this feeling might turn out to be right

I find comfort in the darkness and the lights burn my eyes
And the goodness inside me I sometimes dispise

I'm afraid that the dark side has taken over me
It's amazing how well in the dark I could see

The lost and the lonleyness seems to be gone
With the darkness beside me I will move on

I'm afraid I have taken a wrong turn down the line
But when everything was lost the darkness seemed fine

I'm frozen up inside so no longer do I feel
The pain, the hurt or anything else real

I'm afraid of this person who I have become
The feeling of nothingness and everything numb

I'm afraid I will never feel afraid again
Is the darkness better or feeling the pain?? :s :s

I'm Still Here

2009-01-23T15:54:00.001+05:30

You were here long ago
Now where you are I do not know
But I'm still here

I know you think I would be gone
Just like you that I'll move on
But I'm still here

I'll never forget the words you said
How you cut me open and how I bled
But I'm still here

Mind drifted, memories burn
Once you're gone you can't return
But I'm still here

Some people think that I have left
And only memories I have kept
But I'm still here

If only you would ever know
That without you I'll never go
And I'm still here

A Professional Girl Friend :D

2009-01-23T15:42:00.000+05:30

Well I did this quiz to see what kind of a girl friend I am and this was the result... I highly doubt the result my self and don't expect anyone else to believe it either...

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?-->
You Are A Professional Girlfriend!
You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise!Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro.If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you.You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.

Getting to know me...

2009-01-20T11:15:00.000+05:30

I got this from Lady Divine's blog....

1. What time did you get up this morning?
5.52 a.m.

2. Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Madagascar

4. What is your favorite TV show?
F-R-I-E-N-D-S

5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
Sandwiches

6. What is your middle name?
Hmmmm... wont mention

7. What food do you dislike?
Tomatoe

8. What is your favorite album at the moment?
Hmmm…. Akon's 'na na na'

9. What kind of car do you drive?
Dont have one.. :(

10. Favorite sandwich?
Egg

11. What characteristics do you despise?
Backstabbing

12. Favorite item of clothing?
Shorts and t- shirts!

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
Right now to the states.. where Bestie is!!!

14. Favorite brand of clothing?
Odel I guess...

15. Where would you retire to?
This house down my lane I am dieing for!!

16. What was your most memorable birthday?
18th :D:D

17. Favorite sport to watch?
Rugger

18. When is your birthday?
3rd August 1988

19. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Night person

20. What is your shoe size?
I have no idea!!

21. Pets?
No pets

22. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?
Nothing really at the moment.

23. What did you want to be when you were little?
Never had a ambition! :O

24. How are you today?
BORED!!!!

25. What is your favorite candy?
I am not a sweet fan!

26. What kind of flowers do you like?
White roses

27. What day on the calendar are you looking forward to?
No day in particular….

28. What is your full name?
No way am I saying it here….:)

29. What are you listening to right now?
The sound of the fan and the sound of typing by the person in the next workstation.

30. What was the last thing you ate?
Pineapple

31. Do you wish on stars?
Yes .. :)

32. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Navy Blue

33. What is the weather like right now?
Sunny!!

34. First person you spoke to on the phone today?
A friend from work

35. Favorite soft drink?
Apple soda

36. Favorite restaurant?
Don’t have favourites really..

37. Real hair color?
Black but slightly brown!

38. Favorite toy as a child?
The imaginary ones!!

39. Summer or winter?
Summer…

40. Hugs or kisses?
Both!!

41. Chocolate or vanilla?
Vanilla

42. Coffee or tea?
Neither... but if I HAVE to chose I'd say... Coffee

43. When was the last time you cried?
16th of January 2009!!!

44. What is under your bed?
Hmmm…. Shoes,slippers and a box full of cards!!

45. What did you do last night?
Listend to pirith.

46. What are you afraid of?
That my heart would be broken again!

47. Salty or sweet?
Salty

48. How many keys on your key ring?
Hmm… none :D :D

49. Favorite day of the week?
Usually Sundays but of late Mondays have been great!! ;)

50. How many towns you lived in?
1.

51. Do you make friends easily?
Usually yes…

I couldn't fight the tears that kept coming...

2009-01-18T11:50:00.000+05:30

*Iris edited*

I would have given up forever to touch you
Cause I thought that you'll feel me some how
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
But it doesn't seem to matter right now

And I'll never forget that moment
A moment of hurt in my life
I know that it seems to be over
But I can't get my mind off that night

I didn't want the world to see me
Cause I didn't think that they'd understand
But now that everything seems to be broken
Even I am not sure who I am

I couldn't fight the tears that kept coming
Or the moment of hurt in my smiles
When everything felt like the movies
I just cried just to know I'm alive

Prince Charming

2009-01-11T19:42:00.000+05:30

From the time I was very small
I have always had a prince
I was 5 when I first met him
And I have been friends with him since

I first met him in my dreams
Where he once saved my life
Since then I kept dreaming of him
Specially as his wife

Then one fine day I met this guy
And I was surprised I was awake
Cause he was the prince I was dreaming of
It's then I knew he wasn't fake

So I got friendly with this guy
Plus dreamt of him more and more
The more I spoke the closer we got
And I knew I can't let go

Thank god my prince felt the same
And asked me to be his
Since then we have stuck together
Me as princess and he as prince

Help

2009-01-09T11:20:00.002+05:30

I look, I think, I understand
But then why do I give a damn!

It feels so right but I know its wrong
I can't help but keep going on

Is it really wrong or could it be right?
Or am I afraid that it could be right?

Why am I confusing I do not know
God give me a sign as to where I should go

So Many Things To Tell You

2009-01-06T09:26:00.000+05:30

I have so many things to tell you
But how do I make you see
That we can simply make it through
If I'm with you and your with me

We are from worlds apart I accept
And problems would come our way
But why can't you simply believe in us
Impossible is nothing they say

I can't pin point and find
The reason why I love you so
Maybe cause your cute, nice, caring,
Loving and so much more

The reason might not be convincing
But for sure one thing I know
I love you so much darling
And with each day I love you more

And if on one fine day as you believe
You and I would have to part
Remember you wont be the only one
Who is left with a broken heart

But if you think that this is pointless
And that you and I wont be
Then its up to you to take a decision
Please don't pass it on to me

As for me I will try my best
To make it work between us
Because I believe in miracles
And I do believe in us

As for you I guess you know this
But you are one talented guy
And you have it in you to make it big
All you got to do is try

I could go on and on for ever
Because I have so many things to tell
But I guess I'll take my leave now
And simply wish you well

Miss you loads but love you more!!!
mmwwhhaaaa!

Im Sorry

2009-01-05T15:51:00.000+05:30

I hear your voice calling, I see your eyes reaching for me
My mind reaches back but my heart refuses to see

My mind clings on to you and never wants to walk away
My heart keeps looking at him and simply refuses to stay

I know you will be there for me but will always be wanting more
My mind wants more too but my heart will never let it show

I think you can hear it in my voice and see it in my eyes too
I want it to stop but I can't help reaching out to you

I know it is unfair and I should not be leading you on
But my mind always insists on keep holding on

I know it is no excuse but Im sorry I can't explain
Because I know I'll never let my mind win again

Over

2009-01-05T15:41:00.000+05:30

Everything right
One thing wrong
Years of building
All falls down

Like in the movies
It was nothing bad
Just for a moment
I might have gone mad

Play it over and over
Pause and think
Rewind as I might
It wont blink

After awhile
I start to realise
Its not fiction
It is real life

I feel happy
And then I smile
Still have hope
Atleast for awhile

Then suddenly the hurt
And unstoppable pain
Starts to creep
Inside me again

To realise its over
Everything invain
It was once in a life time
It'll never happen again

But broken as I am
I must be strong
I will be happy
I shall move on

Looking Back At 2008

2008-12-30T10:44:00.001+05:30

Jan
Well it was a good start. Celebrated the dawn of the new year with lover boy and some of my friends. Best 31st night out I have had. I also surprisingly got ok A/L results as a new year gift. Classes started on the first week of Jan itself but things were quite good.

Feb
It was full of fun. Had classes as usual, but it was the month I partied the most. Surprisingly half the parties were house parties. Not forgetting valentines day which I celebrated with lover boy. We made no big deal about it but all the same it was nice.

March
It was a bit of a rush I would say. I think it was because classes got a bit hectic with the exam nearing. Not that I studied much but there was a heavy work load done at classes. The big match was fun as usual. And some of my friends who were studying abroad came down and we went on a trip down south, that I would say was the best thing which happened that month.

April
It was kind of a good bye month. My aunt migrated to Australia and then another whole set of cousins left to the states. Sinhala new year was celebrated as usual. My sis turned 16 and she had quite a good party. I dare say it was better than my 16th party. As you would have observed no studies were done even though it was long due. My cousin came to live in our house since my aunt migrated.

May
It was the exam month. This is the month I should have done nothing but studies. I don't deny the fact that I did study a decent amount during this month, but I also don't deny that since Bestie(1) was in Sri Lanka after about a year I spent quite a bit of my study time with her. But examz were not all that bad really.

June
It was the month I was hardly at home. Examz were over. I had no classes. All my friends who were abroad were here on holiday. Hence I spent half my time with them just playing the fool. And the other half of my time I spent with lover boy since his examz had finished too. With lover boy I went clubbing for the first time, we organized a surprise party for lover boys bestie, even did crazy things like help in an art exhibition, we went for our school dance as well and for the first time I was even with him at Kandy.

July
If not for the fact that lover boy and I decided during this month that it is best to be just friends June would have been the best month of the year. Taking this decision was the most difficult thing I have done in my whole life. but everything happens for the best! Did go on another trip with my friends. This time we went up country. That was the best thing which happened in July.

Aug
Birthday month. Yes during this month I did turn 20 and left my teenager life behind :( I had quite a good birthday though. Bestie(1) and Bestie(2) and lover boy all spent the whole day with me so I guess I couldn't have asked for more. This month I spent most of my time with Bestie(1) because she was leaving to the states at the end of it.

Sep
This month was the calm before the storm I suppose. Results were out. My brother had done exceptionaly well. ( I am quite used to that by now) Surprsingly even I had got through. Classes started again. Bestie(2) was going abroad so I organized a surprise party for her. Made a book for her. Stayed the night at her house one last time before she left. Oh and my cousin who was living with us migrated. Plus half of my time was spent with Mr.Coach, helping out with rowing nationals.

Oct
This was the month of the storm. Lover boy fell in love with another girl. Which left me heart broken. We discovered that my aunt has cancer. One of my grand uncles passed away. So everything which could go wrong happened during this month. The only good thing about this month was that I started working. Not because work was fun in particular but that is where I met cute boy.

Nov
Nothing special really. Went for on stage for the first time and probably the last. Was still suffering from a sever heart brake. Many a nights during this month and the month before I cried myself to sleep. Was clearly not recovered from the storm yet. Only good thing is I had no choice but not cry during day at work!

Dec
Best month of the year. Celebrated christmas in the usual way with so many dinners and parties. Happy all over again. No more sleepless nights. No more crying myself to sleep either. Have learned to be happy with what I have. Have learned that I will always cherish the memories I had with lover boy but he will be my best friend... nothing less nothing more. Oh yeah plus I got fever for the first time for the whole year. Plus my cousins came back from the states.

A Longing

2008-12-19T10:31:00.000+05:30

In the morning while she wonders
Out of the window she'd gaze
With a longing in her heart
A longing to see his face

At noon she'll try to clear her mind
Even with all the noise
With a longing in her heart
A longing to hear his voice

In the evening as she sits in a corner
She tries to understand
With a longing in her heart
A longing to hold his hand

In the night as she is sleeping
At the end of another day
She has a longing in her heart
A longing that will never go away

Another Try

2008-12-18T10:53:00.001+05:30

She knows its probably another mistake
She knows its nothing but another heart ache

She tries but she suddenly lose control
She knows there is a fire within her soul

If she some how makes it through today
Will tomorrow end up being the same way

When she stumbles and she falls
Is there any point of getting up at all

Will it all not simply be the same
She is sick of playing this game

Should she just give in and try again
Or will it just bring her even more pain

No matter how much she contemplates
The decision is not up to her to take

Fate has decided and she'll go with the flow
And try again just once more

This time she hopes that its not fake
And pray to god that her heart wont break