Tuesday, 30 December 2008

Looking Back At 2008

Jan
Well it was a good start. Celebrated the dawn of the new year with lover boy and some of my friends. Best 31st night out I have had. I also surprisingly got ok A/L results as a new year gift. Classes started on the first week of Jan itself but things were quite good.

Feb
It was full of fun. Had classes as usual, but it was the month I partied the most. Surprisingly half the parties were house parties. Not forgetting valentines day which I celebrated with lover boy. We made no big deal about it but all the same it was nice.

March
It was a bit of a rush I would say. I think it was because classes got a bit hectic with the exam nearing. Not that I studied much but there was a heavy work load done at classes. The big match was fun as usual. And some of my friends who were studying abroad came down and we went on a trip down south, that I would say was the best thing which happened that month.

April
It was kind of a good bye month. My aunt migrated to Australia and then another whole set of cousins left to the states. Sinhala new year was celebrated as usual. My sis turned 16 and she had quite a good party. I dare say it was better than my 16th party. As you would have observed no studies were done even though it was long due. My cousin came to live in our house since my aunt migrated.

May
It was the exam month. This is the month I should have done nothing but studies. I don't deny the fact that I did study a decent amount during this month, but I also don't deny that since Bestie(1) was in Sri Lanka after about a year I spent quite a bit of my study time with her. But examz were not all that bad really.

June
It was the month I was hardly at home. Examz were over. I had no classes. All my friends who were abroad were here on holiday. Hence I spent half my time with them just playing the fool. And the other half of my time I spent with lover boy since his examz had finished too. With lover boy I went clubbing for the first time, we organized a surprise party for lover boys bestie, even did crazy things like help in an art exhibition, we went for our school dance as well and for the first time I was even with him at Kandy.

July
If not for the fact that lover boy and I decided during this month that it is best to be just friends June would have been the best month of the year. Taking this decision was the most difficult thing I have done in my whole life. but everything happens for the best! Did go on another trip with my friends. This time we went up country. That was the best thing which happened in July.

Aug
Birthday month. Yes during this month I did turn 20 and left my teenager life behind :( I had quite a good birthday though. Bestie(1) and Bestie(2) and lover boy all spent the whole day with me so I guess I couldn't have asked for more. This month I spent most of my time with Bestie(1) because she was leaving to the states at the end of it.

Sep
This month was the calm before the storm I suppose. Results were out. My brother had done exceptionaly well. ( I am quite used to that by now) Surprsingly even I had got through. Classes started again. Bestie(2) was going abroad so I organized a surprise party for her. Made a book for her. Stayed the night at her house one last time before she left. Oh and my cousin who was living with us migrated. Plus half of my time was spent with Mr.Coach, helping out with rowing nationals.

Oct
This was the month of the storm. Lover boy fell in love with another girl. Which left me heart broken. We discovered that my aunt has cancer. One of my grand uncles passed away. So everything which could go wrong happened during this month. The only good thing about this month was that I started working. Not because work was fun in particular but that is where I met cute boy.

Nov
Nothing special really. Went for on stage for the first time and probably the last. Was still suffering from a sever heart brake. Many a nights during this month and the month before I cried myself to sleep. Was clearly not recovered from the storm yet. Only good thing is I had no choice but not cry during day at work!

Dec
Best month of the year. Celebrated christmas in the usual way with so many dinners and parties. Happy all over again. No more sleepless nights. No more crying myself to sleep either. Have learned to be happy with what I have. Have learned that I will always cherish the memories I had with lover boy but he will be my best friend... nothing less nothing more. Oh yeah plus I got fever for the first time for the whole year. Plus my cousins came back from the states.

Friday, 19 December 2008

A Longing

In the morning while she wonders
Out of the window she'd gaze
With a longing in her heart
A longing to see his face

At noon she'll try to clear her mind
Even with all the noise
With a longing in her heart
A longing to hear his voice

In the evening as she sits in a corner
She tries to understand
With a longing in her heart
A longing to hold his hand

In the night as she is sleeping
At the end of another day
She has a longing in her heart
A longing that will never go away

Thursday, 18 December 2008

Another Try

She knows its probably another mistake
She knows its nothing but another heart ache

She tries but she suddenly lose control
She knows there is a fire within her soul

If she some how makes it through today
Will tomorrow end up being the same way

When she stumbles and she falls
Is there any point of getting up at all

Will it all not simply be the same
She is sick of playing this game

Should she just give in and try again
Or will it just bring her even more pain

No matter how much she contemplates
The decision is not up to her to take

Fate has decided and she'll go with the flow
And try again just once more

This time she hopes that its not fake
And pray to god that her heart wont break

Sunday, 14 December 2008

A Glimpse Of Hope

She had a secret place
Which no one else would know
When ever she needed to be alone
That is the place she'll go

It's dark no body can see her
Or hear what ever she says
Alone she would think, cry and laugh
And let her thoughts wonder away

One fine day when she was leaving
She saw him coming in
In this secret place they started talking
And it is where it all did begin

From then on almost everyday
She and he would meet
All alone in their secret place
For hours they would speak

From friends to best of friends
And then to something more
The loved they shared for each other
Day by day did grow

But just as soon as it all started
It was over way too fast
She found it hard to bare
Cause she thought that it would last

She didn't go to their secret place
For months she stayed at home
But to wonder how he is
Her mind did always roam

But one day she made up her mind
And to their secret place she did go
Thats where she saw a glimpse hope
As he walked in through the door

Saturday, 13 December 2008

Shattered

It hurt, still hurts and it'll hurt for ever more
I loved, will always love but I know I have to let go

I fell, I broke and to a million peices I shattered
Peice by peice I put it all back but it doesn't matter

Because with every step I take hurt seeps in through the cracks
And nothing I do will ever make what we had all come back

Since I have lost it all I just want the hurt to stop
Cause it kills and it is painful and I have cried until I've dropped

I want to get away from this mess and start my life again
Where no one knows me or my past and certainly not the pain

A new life, a new place with new people and new friends
Atleast then I could try and see whether the hurt would end

It would be a new begining to make a new life of my own
Atleast for me to try and put the past behind me and move on

Alas, I know its just a dream I have no new life to lead
I have to keep going and face the truth and go through this hurt indeed

Thursday, 11 December 2008

Cute boy wins!!!

This is a continuation of the last post. Those unending questions are still unanswered. But I kind of cleared my mind. At least for now. All I really want right now is to stop hurting. Don't want to go through anymore hurt.

Cute boy is the only one who can stop me from getting hurt. Not that he does any thing specifically, its just that by him being there the hurt seems less. He makes me smile. He distracts my mind. And if there ever were a question whether I really like him, now I know the answer for it. Yes I do like him. But whether I want him to be 'the guy' or not I still don't know. That I guess I'll go with the flow. Take it as it comes.

Well I have come to terms with the fact that I will never get over Lover boy. I will always have a thing for him. But right now every time I think of him, I only keep hurting myself. And as I said earlier I just want to stop hurting. And only cute boy can help me in that aspect. So cute boy wins!!!

But if ever lover boy wants me back then I am faced with one of the most crucial decisions I will have to make in life. But today if I were to make a decision I would chose lover boy. But I am afraid that if I have to make this decision in sometime to come my answer would be different. Because I know I am getting more attached to cute boy with each day that passes. And I am afraid that the decision I will take might be wrong. But I guess as Lover boy says 'let the future decide what the future is'. For now I will enjoy myself. Or at least I will try to.

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

Lover boy vs Cute boy

Lover boy :

Why does it still hurt?
Why am I not used to the pain still?
Why does the pain get more each day and not less?
Why did this happen to me?
Does he still feel the same?
Does he miss me at all?
Does he want it all back?
Will I ever know the answers?
Do I really want to know the answers?
Why does he always find away to keep me hanging in there and not let go?
Does he know what he is doing to me?
How did he move on so fast?
Has he really moved on?
Will I ever move on?
Do I want to move on?

Cute boy :

Have I already moved on?
Could I move on so fast?
Why do I like him so much?
Why is he on my mind almost all the time?
How come it doesn't feel wrong that I like him?
Do I really like him or am I rebounding?
Do I want him to be 'the guy' or just 'the rebound guy'?
Or is he just another guy?
Do I really want him?
Does it really matter can't I just go with the flow?
Does he like me?
If he does like me what do I do?
Will I ever know whether he likes me?
If he likes me what will he do?
Why do I want to know?

So many unending questions....
And the answers seem so bleak...

Why am I so confusing?!?!

Sunday, 7 December 2008

Miracles Do Happen

He is fair, he is cute, he is always with a smile
As I saw him I knew I'll like him for awhile

He looked friendly, happy cheerful alright
I came home and thought about him all night

Never did I think I'll meet him again
And thinking about him was driving me insane

Couldn't forget his face and I didn't know what to do
But miracles do happen and I know its true

Because I met him again last night at a dinner
As I saw him instatly I felt like a winner

Automatically my mind simply started clicking
And the love clock inside me just started ticking

With a little bit of flirting here and there
I knew I haven't lost touch with my magical flair

Looking back at what happened last night and today
My hard work has finally paid off I could say

I have done my part and now my minds at rest
And I hope things would work out for the best

Friday, 5 December 2008

The Undescribeable

The beauty of friendship
Is one of those things
Which is so hard to explain
Especially the joy that it brings

The sharing and the caring
And the love you share
To know that there will be someone
Who always will be there

Value of love is another
Where explaining wouldn't do
No matter how hard you try
That you can not do

To understand its value
You have to love another
Or else you have to be loved
Truely by another

The magic of charm is also
Something you can not explain
Charm can do you wonders
It can also give you pain

Charm is definitely magical
If you know what I mean
If you have seen a charm of a person
To a magical land you have been

Even for the power of attraction
Words do not suffice
No one can explain the power of attraction
Not even the wise

Sometimes we can not find the reason
And we just don't know how
We do get so attracted to things or people
That we can not let go now

The best of memories are also
The ones you can't explain
The ones you just should have been there
To know the fun or even the pain

If you look back at the best of memories
And try explaining it to another
Then you will understand what I mean
And why you shouldn't bother

Tuesday, 2 December 2008

The Silent Observer Presents...

Well yeah I have been quite the silent observer with these people for over 2 months now. Surprising I know because I am hardly ever silent usually let alone being observant. But that is what I was with these people. And this is what I observed.

Here goes...

The Boss (TB) - Well as the name suggest he is the boss. But he is very busy and hardly at his desk. Very responsible. Very well respected. Very successful. But is not aware of inside happenings. You know he kind of reminds me of an English judge. They come from the upper classes and is not aware of the usual happenings in an ordinary citizen, but is the decision maker in the end. And they are well respected too. So yeah in my opinion he is very similar to an English judge.

Junior Boss (JB) - He unlike TB is aware of the inside happenings but does not get involved. I guess he believes that staying away is the best option. But you can be rest assured that he will be watching you. Other than that characteristics of TB and him are the same. Except for the fact that he would be at his desk more often than TB.

Model Mom (MM) - She is a very responsible person. Hardly anyone Could find fault with her work. Very hardworking. Best thing about her is she does not stress too much on work. When she leaves office she leaves all her problems of work behind. I love that quality of her. All in all she is a nice person.

Miss Sweet (MS) - She is a really nice person. Very friendly. Even more hardworking. Responsible. Sensitive. But is strong in some aspects. Does stress over what happens at work even at home. Has the 'help ever hurt never' attitude. Very nice person.

Mr. Don't Care (DC) - He is not at all responsible. Not hardworking. I guess he is a typical product of the 21st century. He just does not care about consequences. Not at all a harmful person but is so not a good co- worker. Don't like his personality at all. But I don't mind him as a person.

Mr. Diplomatic - Well the name was not put because I think he is diplomatic. It is simply because we had a discussion about being diplomatic. And I couldn't find another name. Well he is responsible. And I quite like his personality. And I think that he and I are the only people who think in the same wave length. He is a real nice person.

Cute Boy- Well he is obviously cute. Hence the name. He is harworking. keen. Very responsible. I like his personality too. I think his cuteness influences that a bit too much. But he is anyway a nice person. He is you know the playful type. But unfortunately we don't think in the same wave length. Or so I think, who knows what the future will tell ;)

The witch- She is by far the most ineresting person there. She is as wicked as a witch. She is also very misterious just like a witch. You never know what she is thinking. She also has this ability to get people to do what she wants. I am sure she casts a secret spell on them!



The others I have not observed enough. Maybe some other time I shall tell about them...

Monday, 1 December 2008

The wrong road

Long ago I made a mistake
While wondering which road I should take

I chose the wrong road I would say
Knowing that it is wrong in a way

I was just a kid playing around
Trying to have fun with everything I found

Little did I know that it would be
The biggest ever disaster for me

We all make mistakes everybody knows
But some mistakes always shows

This is one such mistake I should say
Which came to my life and never went away

To date every now and again
I go through a little bit of pain

Because of a long ago mistake I made
And I know that it would never fade

Its been three years yet it haunts my mind
The reason for it I can not find

With every turn I take I meet this road
But I avoid it in every possible mode

But I know its a matter of time I break down
And take the wrong road another time round

To the heavens above I beg and tell
To keep me away from that road to hell