Wednesday, 21 July 2010

Just because she comes off strong, doesn't mean she didn't fall alseep crying... And even though she acts like nothing is wrong maybe just maybe she is really good at lying!!!

She sees him from far away. Her eyes follow every move of his till he makes his way into the same room. She might be even staring at him now. But it's only until he looks towards her. She quickly turns away and pretends to be very involved in the conversation her friends were having. She can feel him walking towards her. She is laughing even louder than her friends at a joke she wasn't even paying attention to. She can feel him standing behind her now but she pretends not to notice until her friend says hi to him. She turns around and acts as if its the first time she is seeing him for the day. It takes all her strength to not let her knees buckle by being so close to him. She smiles and says hi and her mind is blown away by his smile. As she was just about turn and keep talking to her friend he grabbed her by the hand. She swiftly turned around. "Can we talk?" "sure".

And they walked out holding hands. Spoke for hours on end. Argued most of the time. Laughed their asses off. Mostly at each other. Had a long walk on the beach. Sat and watched the sun set together. Kissed each other good night. And went home smiling . It was just the beginning of a happy ending. 


Thursday, 15 July 2010

Will someday ever come?

Someday you might ask the question
Or someday I might confess
Someday it will be obvious
And someday people might guess

Someday it wont be held in any longer
Someday I'll lose control
Or someday you might make the move
Someday we'll reach our goal

Someday you will take the risk
Someday you will be bold
Someday you'll hold my hand
And tell things we never told

Someday I wont stop smiling
Someday we'll stop being dumb
Someday everyone will know
But will someday ever come?

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

Can it really be so???

Can this be true
I don't mind giving up him for you?

Not that he is mine now
But we'll be more distant some how

He who I would have even died for
Will soon be a memory or just a dream I saw

All this is just for you
When I'm not even sure if you like me too

Just for a chance for me
To show you how much you mean to me

It didn't hurt me when he asked me to fly
Because its you who I want me to stand by

Even though we might not work out right
I risked not ever seeing his sight

Could it be true that I really don't mind
Losing him even if you wont become mine?

Or is it because that I have a clue
That you want me to be with you

I am surprised at myself for telling him so
That it's okay for him to let me go

Especially since you haven't been bold
And that you like me you have never told

But some how I know it's not a mistake
Because when he scolded my heart didn't break

But I very dearly hope
That you and I will somehow cope

And that you will like me too
At least half as much as I like you

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

Is it really over?!

You look forward for something. You count down days for it. You are excited. You are nervous. You can't wait till it happens. You also get a little bit scared as to how it will go. As the days get nearer you worry a little too much about it. You closest friends understand you. Others think you are paranoid. You think you might be paranoid. So you distract your self as much as possible to make sure you are not paranoid. You still can't help thinking about it.

But what do you when it's all over???

It went well. Even better than you expected. You are happy. You enjoyed every second of it. You couldn't have asked for anything more. :)

But what happens next? Yes you obviously reminisce the memories. Relive over over again. Smile looking back at it. Other than that you have nothing to do. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to get excited about. It feels like a big weight is off your shoulders. But you also know there is something missing. You feel this nothingness within you. An empty sort of feeling. Your doing the same thing you were doing as before. Still as busy as you used to be. But somehow it feels as if you have more time in your hands.

No it's not that your mind is at ease. It's just that your mind has nothing to distract its self with. It has nothing to anticipate other than the usual day to day happenings.

But somehow you know the wait isn't over. You are just not sure what to wait for this time around!

Confused much?

I hear the silence
I am deaf to the noise
I reminisce my tears
I regret my smiles
I’m blind to the light
I see in the dark
I hangout with foes
With friends I hardly talk
I doubt honesty
I trust in lies
I face my fears
Run away from joys
I respect the absurd
I don’t value the norm
I judge the right
I consider the wrong
I doubt the facts
I expect the unexpected
I believe in uncertainty
I distrust the predicted
I despise the sweet
I like the bitterness
I enjoy the cruelty
I suffer the kindness
I cry when I’m surrounded
I smile when I’m alone
The past is my future
The present is unknown
Your smile is my retribution
Your pain is my gain
I love to be mean
To do good is a shame
I choose if there is nothing to lose
I cheat my own fate
I wont go in if the doors are open
I'll crash the closed gates
I embrace the guilt
I refuse to recall
I’ll crawl out of heaven
And I’ll enjoy the free fall

Thursday, 8 July 2010

Gah!!!!

All this time I was positive that the answer I was going to get was not going to be one I would want to hear. So I conditioned my mind not to have any hope. I had told my self that I have to be prepared to be depressed on sunday.

BUt something happened last night. SPAIN won!!! I knew this was a good sign. But I didn't want to believe it. So I told my self god is playing games with me. After the hype about spain winning was gone I realised that I had a message from a certain someone about confirmation about Sunday. Something I was never expecting. I was planning on calling tomorrow and confirming and half expecting a reply saying that he want be able to make it. So I know this is a good sign. But I yet keep telling myself that god is really good at playing this game.

Darn!!!

I still have hope =( stupid STUPID me!!!

Tuesday, 6 July 2010

Waiting

This is one of the hardest things to do. -WAIT- Especially when you are not really sure what you are waiting for!

In my case I am waiting for a sign!!! One which I will most probably get on Sunday. To be honest I am pretty exited and I can't wait till Sunday to get this sign. Then again I am also pretty scared because I am 90% sure that I would not be liking the sign I will get. I am also some what worried. What if I don't get a sign on Sunday then I'll have to just keep waiting for god knows how long!! Even worse what if I read the sign wrong?!?!

Either way this waiting business is killing me!!!

Sigh.....

Sunday please come fast... And please give me the sign I have been waiting for... After all I have been patient!!

Monday, 5 July 2010

What is better?!

Is it better to know where you stand and be disappointed or not know where you stand and be happy wondering - still having hope!

This I have always wondered...

I guess I'll know the answer soon. But still building up courage to know the answer!!! =S

Working Again!

I am back at work.
Back to finding ways to entertain myself for 8 hours.
Back to counting down hours to go home.
Back to the silly office conflicts.
Back to the office gossip.
Back to staring at the computer screen for long hours.
Back to eating lunch by 12.30
Back to holding my thoughts to myself.
Back to trying hard not to laugh out loud.
Back to being treated like a kid.
Back to smiling at everyone.
Back to blogging more often.
Back to having some money.
Back to being in the A/C the whole day.
Back to wearing office attire.
Back to hating Mondays!
Back to looking forward for the weekend.
Back to getting up early in the morning.
Back to seeing faces I didn't realise I missed.
Back to appreciating everything about home!