Thursday, 21 October 2010

Dear Clyde

Apparently you died sometime ago but I didn't hear about it until last night. I mean I knew you had gone missing but I somehow hope you will find yourself back. I still do actually. A part of me refuses to believe that you are dead and gone.

But okay. Last night I thought about long and hard and tried to convince myself that you will no longer be back. It broke my heart to think so and the pain was unbearable. The fact that I couldn't mourn your death and wish you a final good bye killed me even more.

So your gone. Just like that. I can't even believe it. I don't actually. I wonder what it's like where ever you are. Do you remember all of us? Do you miss us? Or have you just evaporated into thin air and have no feeling what so ever?

I miss you Clyde. Miss you a damn lot. And now I am wondering whether I ever let you know how much I appreciated you and what you meant to me. It does bother me that me writing this will not even come close to letting you know it as well.

I loved the fact that I could be 100% open with you. I could just be myself with you and I knew you wouldn't judge me. I could say what ever I want do what ever I want and you will still just accept me for who I am. These others I hang out with I know passes a judgment or two about me to say the least. I hope it's not too late to let you know that you were one of the most awesome friends I have ever had. And I miss that friendship Clyde. I miss everything about us. The walks, the talks, the laughter and even the tears I have shed with you.

Oh how I wish you could just least come back for one day so I could at least let you know how much I love you. And take it from me you were one amazing study partner. Trust me if not for you I wouldn't have got through the exam as well as I did. I am honestly really thankful to you for that and I know I never ever even mentioned this to you when you were around. And it is killing me.

I don't know Clyde. I can't honestly find the words to let you know what I am feeling at the moment. Confusion, loss, hurt, sorrow, and a mixture of feelings of the sort. One thing I know Clyde no one can ever EVER replace you. And no matter where life takes me I am sure to miss you and I will never forget you till the day that I die.

Honestly it's breaking my heart to write this, and I have to stop now 'cause I need to just be alone and cry for awhile.

This can't be true. You are not dead. You will come back someday.

Losing you hurt me way more than words could tell. People always leave but sometimes they come back. And I know you will. I still have hope.

Lots of love

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

Im waiting...

I know I must be patient
but I can't wait
to hold you in my arms
to hug you tight
and just to be able to call mine.

I want to show you
how much I care
how much I love
and just to let you know
no matter what - I'll be there.

But at the same time
I am afraid
to give you my all
just in case you build me up
and then you watch me fall.

But in time to come
you will see
come what may
I'll be happier with you
and you with me.

For now though
we'll just let things flow
we'll talk
we'll laugh
like we have always done before.

But next time
you hold my hand
I'll hold it a little bit longer
hug you a little bit tighter
just so you understand.

Thursday, 14 October 2010

It's not easy to be me!

When I know what's wrong
But can't make it right
When you don't tell what's up
But I know what you hide

When all you need is a hug
But it can't be from me
When you know you aren't blind
Yet you wish you couldn't see

When it's not my fault
But I am still to blame
If it wasn't for me
It wouldn't be the same

It isn't any easier for me
Than it is for you
I hope that somehow
You know that too

But never for a second even think
What I said was lie
I honestly love and care
And will do so till I die!