Thursday, 22 December 2011

Its Messed Up

What am I hiding
You ask
Well that depends
From whom

From you?
He doesn't like you.
He doesn't trust me with you.
And because of that
We can't be friends for ever!
I'm going to let you down.
I'm just another person
Who is going to disappoint you.
You trust me against all odds
Only to be betrayed.

From him?
You are a friend
Closer than most
I care a lot
But just a good friend
Nothing less nothing more.
You are a friend not a threat
And I'll hate letting you down
Cutting you out is going to be
Harder than I can handle.

But...
Someday, I know I will
Because I'd rather cut you out
Than be your friend
And lose him.

So tell me
How am I to give you an answer
Without coming across
Like a total Bitch?

Thursday, 8 December 2011

Did you Know

The list of depressing songs
Was almost over
When you decided to call.

Tears filled  my eyes
When I heard your voice
Real sweet and half a sleep and all.

There was a lump in my throat
While I listened to you talking
And saying you had a bad dream.

There is something about you
Which makes me love you
And makes me hold back that scream.

Tears were rolling down
As you were hanging up
I didn't want you to go.

I felt like I'm losing you,
As much as it broke me
It made me love you even more.



Friday, 2 December 2011

How come

It is so easy to forgive
But so hard to forget.
I feel like crying
But I smile instead.
It is so crowded
But I still feel alone.
I long to go out
But nothing's like home.
I love you to bits
But it hurts like hell.
I know we'll make it
But that's not what I tell.
She acts so nice
But its all a pretense.
Everyone seems to like it
When it makes no sense.
I can't wait till its over
But I don't want to move on.
I keep wanting more
When I know that its wrong.
I feel upset
For no reason at all.
I want to do things
But its never my call.
Questions are so many
But answers are none.
If we knew the answers
Life wont be fun.







Thursday, 1 December 2011

Who am I kidding?

Your eyes smart 
You have a thundering headache
You have cried your heart out
But nothing has changed.
You know 
Its just a matter of time
Before you wash your face
Wear something nice
And put on that fake smile again.
The thing about being happy
Is to convince yourself
That you are!

Random Mumbling


A pen in the hand feels so much better,
When what you are writing is not an answer to a exam paper.

The words seem to flow with ease,
When you know there is no examiner you have to please.

You dont have to wreck your brain,
You start to feel lighter and stress free again.

Oh how much I missed this,
Writing about random stuff and not on law and justice!

Thursday, 27 October 2011

Tell me

How is it possible
That one moment
That you make me feel
The happiest person alive
And the very next
You break me so much
That all I can do is cry?!

Sunday, 23 October 2011

Just wondering

Is it normal
to keep thinking
that you are not normal???
Or was I right,
And by that I mean
Am I not normal???

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

I just want to scream!!!!

I have exams in two weeks and I really don't want to study. I hate studying, I always have. I really just don't want to do this. I know I KNOW I'm better off than most others who didn't get through their exams and have to repeat and didn't do it last time and are doing two sets together; But none of you guys get it. I also know its my last exam and that I'll be a lawyer after that and then the sky is the limit. Did you think I haven't thought about all that already??? But I just don't want to do this anymore!

The worst part is I have no one to even talk about this. My friends (boy friend included) either failed their exams or are doing two sets together or is abroad or have bigger problems in life than a stupid exam! And I tried talking to my father even though he sort of understood what I was feeling he sounded so worried that I felt too bad to keep talking. My mother totally flipped and got me to promise (while almost in tears) that I will try my best at the exams. Sigh..... My sisters are too little and my brother too busy leaves me with no one.

No matter how much I complain and how much I don't want to and cry and fuss and throw a tantrum about it I know I will end up sitting for it. Everyone around me will make sure I do. Oh how I wish I had an option.

At 23 years of age I just feel like life is moving way too fast and that I'm going to be pushed into the deep blue sea even before I have learned to swim. Nope, no one seems to understand that. I wish I had a few months just 2 or 3 maybe to just sit back relax and live THE LIFE! You know to be able to sleep in till late, go out for lunch, watch a movie, randomly go on a trip down south because I want some time alone, fly kites, star gaze or do what ever the hell I want to do at what ever time I want. I just want to do these things just for a little while longer and savour the moment of joy in my life.

I just realised I am growing up way too fast. I don't want to be apart of the world out there! No don't get the wrong idea its not like I have not worked before. I have. Its just that it was nice to know I was still a student by that I had that much of freedom being that.

I don't want to do this exam. I don't I don't I don't!!! Please let me live life a bit longer. I don't want to do this. I hate feeling this way. I want to cry. Why doesn't anybody understand?!?!?!

I am finally big enough to do what I want, but not lucky enough to be able to do it! Life, thou art a heartless bitch!

Sunday, 9 October 2011

Is there something wrong with me?

When its high its extremely high
When its low its extremely low
And if ever it strikes a balance
Life gets too boring for me handdle

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

Sigh

I need to start changing my ways
Or learn to accept that
Changes are going to come my way :(

Why do I get the feeling that no one will ever love me for who I truly am?



Saturday, 24 September 2011

Go figure!

You know how people say that you start missing things once you've let it go? Well it doesn't work that way for me. I start missing things once I let it in. =S

This sucks.

I pass my examz
and I cant even celebrate it =/

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

A letter to you :)

Dear You,

You are fast asleep at the moment, I mean all sane people in this part of the world are doing the same. So I guess that in itself speaks a lot for me. In that case, this random letter can only make me seem more crazier than you already think I am.

Its 2.00 a.m. and I am not falling asleep. If I didn't know my self better I would have thought there is something wrong with me. Anyway since I am wide awake and I can't seem to keep my mind off you, I thought I'd write you something. My writers block still seems to be in full force so a poem is out of the question. Yes, sadly so. So I guess I'll keep writing random bullshit that keeps coming into my mind.

You! I cant help but think of you. The good thing about it is as long as your in my mind there is a smile on my face. =) I know you have been going through a rough patch these days and it sucks that I can't do anything about it. I know I don't have the ability to shield you from all the trouble life has to offer but I can promise you, you'd never have to face them alone. I might not always have the right words to say but I'll always be there to shut up and listen. Every time you are in a bad mood I might not have a clue how to make you smile but I'll hug you tight and wait till you start feeling better.

I may not be the best person and I don't have the best of things to give you. What I can offer you is pretty simple and I hope it's enough to keep you happy. Here's my love take it, here's my soul use it, here's my heart don't break it, here's my hand hold it and lets make it together for ever!

I love you more than words can ever say but that doesn't stop me from trying to let you know how much I do. This is another one of those attempts of mine. I never exactly succeed but at least I try. You have no idea how glad I am that we are together and how happy it makes me just to be able to call you mine.

How I wish I was with you at the moment just to be able to watch you sleep. It's one of those rare occasions which you look really cute and the slow rhythm of your breathing only makes me want to hug you more. Do you know you talk in your sleep at times? It's pretty funny but also sort of sweet. Sometimes when you fall asleep for your weight my arm gets numb but I am too scared to move just in case I wake you up. I miss those times! Sigh.... I miss you.

I know it seems crazy, how is it possible to miss someone you meet everyday!? But I do. Especially now since I'm not doing anything but thinking of you. I miss that smile of yours. The one that you can't help but return. I miss you so damn much that a part of me is all out to calling you and waking you up just to hear your voice. But luckily for you I am not that selfish. I will have to be happy with just writing. Plus I am only a couple of hours away from waking you up anyway.

The way things are going I might not even go to sleep before it's time for you to wake up. For one thing your day starts way too early and also my sleeping cycle is a bit wonky these days. I think the cricket world cup has a part to play in my sleeping cycle. Matches are so tiring and to add to that it finishes really late. So obviously I get up late and end up being up till early hours of the next day.

Anyway I think I have written long enough to bore you for a lifetime, so I wont go on for too long. Just a half an hour with you has clearly got me missing you way too much. I can't wait to spend the next whole day with you. Just a reminder for both of us - we need to start studying properly soon. I cant wait to get done with examz! Just the thought of it is enough to make me feel good.

Okies. So I hope you are dreaming of me at the moment and that it is something good.
I miss you loads but love you more!
Mwah
TC                                                                
                                                                                                                                                From : Me :)

Inura As I See Him

  • He is a bright, cheerful and bubbly person.
  • He is thoughtful and considerate and likes to have fun.
  • Everybody feels comfortable around him because of his pleasant nature
  • When he walks into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to him because of his charm.

  • He is intelligent, honest and sweet.
  • He is friendly with everybody and doesn't like conflict.
  • Because he is so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to him and like to talk to him.

  • He is mature, reasonable, wise and gives good advice.
  • People tend to ask for his comments on all sorts of different issues.

  • He usually doesn't get too serious with people when they are around.
  • But he is very much aware of what's going on and he makes pretty accurate observations.
  • He is observant and not forgetful.

  • He is focused and knows what he wants.
  • He is careful and not afraid to make decisions on his own.
  • He is street smart.

  • He considers education as being important and likes to learn.
  • He is not a fan of examz but is very practical about it.
  • He has a "prevention is better than cure" attitude when it comes to his studies.
  • He is hardworking.

  • He is very dedicated towards his job.
  • Whatever he does he will give it his best and he expects that from others as well.
  • If he wont be able to give his best then he wont undertake to do it.
  • He is successful and good at what he does.

  • He is head strong and has an amazing will power.
  • He is stubborn and doesn't change his mind quickly.
  • More often than not he refers to his head to resolve issues rather than his heart.

  • He loves to party and go crazy.
  • He prefers to hangout with a few close friends rather than with crowds.
  • He likes to tease people.

  • He can sing.
  • He has an amazingly sexy voice and he knows it.
  • He hates losing his voice and when he does, he gets into a bad mood.

  • He is easy going and loves to have fun.
  • He is really friendly and not moody.
  • He knows to have fun but yet does not get carried away.
  • He is responsible and knows when to draw the line.

  • He is a very independent person and hates being dependent.
  • He is strong and has a great deal of self confidence.
  • He is also very much set in his ways.

  • He values friendship a lot.
  • He is trustworthy, reliable and loyal.
  • He is caring and he will be there for you when ever you need him.

  • He is a true romantic.
  • He is the best boy friend ever.
  • He is gentle and compassionate.
  • He is completely and utterly dedicated to the girl he loves.
  • He is kind and understanding.
  • He can be somewhat childish and cute.

  • He hardly gets jealous of anyone.
  • In the rare instance he does get jealous, you would never know.

  • He is not materialistic.
  • Little joys in life makes him happy and he is easy to please.
  • But he is somewhat spoilt and more often than not he has got what he wanted.

  • He loves to fool around and have a good laugh.
  • He hardly ever compliments anyone.
  • He cares a lot for his loved ones and usually gets affected by how they behave.
  • He doesn't like showing people how he really feels and keeps his feelings/thoughts to himself.

  • He has a really bad temper.
  • He doesn't lose his temper very often but when he does you wouldn't want to be around.
  • He wents out his anger and frustration by either doing a strenuous workout or throwing around and breaking things.
  • He might take irrational decisions when he is angry and will regret it once he calms down but will be too stubborn to admit it.

  • He is adventurous, energetic and loves to do daring things.
  • He likes to relax but he can't be doing nothing for too long.
  • He is used to being busy and gets restless very easily.
  • He can't be indoors for too long and needs to go out often.

  • He doesn't like drama but needs attention.
  • He hates dishonesty and doesn't like to drive.
  • He is a mama's boy.
  • He is a good listener and speaks even better.

  • He is an interesting and amazing person but the best part about him is his girl friend. :) :P

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

It's been awhile.

It's been way more than awhile since I posted here last and life has changed so damn much that it's left me wondering from where to start.

I guess I'll start with studies since that is what I am busy at the moment with. Good news first I graduated =D =D. I also sat for the first set of examz for my attorneys and got through. =) Yeah all that is cool but here goes the bad news. My second set of examz for my attorneys start on the 28th of April and goes on till the 27th of June. Not only is it a a darn drag it makes it worse that I haven't really studied at all for it. Typical me ain't it. Wait for the last freaking minute and the hit the panic button. Sigh. At least one things certain, my study pattern hasn't changed.

Other than that the only major change I can think of is that I am now with the love of my life. Things are going well on that aspect. I'm happy and no complaints at all. =)

It also would have been apparent that I have stopped working. I guess I will be unemployed till the end of this year until I am done with my attorneys. It does give me a lot of free time in my hands it also does leave me with an empty pocket. =/

We shifted houses in January. I am not sure which house I prefer both has it's pros and cons but lets just say I have got used to this and pretty happy. But I do very badly miss my neighbors. Even though we are only a lane or 2 away it somehow makes a whole load of difference than living right next door to each other.

I think thats about it. Shall post soon again :)