Friday, 25 September 2015

40 Reasons Why I Love You

Bubs, I know your life is busy, but just for a few moments, stop, read and absorb each one of these.

I know I don’t always tell you, and sometimes I hurry about my day and forget to show you.

So, listen carefully and hear my voice as you linger on each one.

Please. Let the words sink in.

And know this. I will love you, always.

Because….

1.     You are a happy person. You are always with a smile on your face and you love to make others happy. Nothing makes you happier than making others happy. I cannot tell you in words how awesome that makes you.
2.    You are interested in everything. You know random facts about random things and you want to know more. Being interested in so many things, makes you all the more interesting.
3.    You see the good in everyone. You understand that no one is all bad, and you always look for the good side in everyone you meet. You don’t judge people, and you always believe that just because people do horrible things it doesn’t make them horrible people. You always believe that people would have a good enough reason and give them the benefit of the doubt.
4.    The little things count a lot! The opening of the car door for me, or holding the door open for me to walk in, or pulling up my chair for me to sit. No nothing goes unnoticed. They mean a lot to me.
5.    You never fail to surprise me. Be it by sending flowers to work or showing up at my door step or planning some random date night; you always put a smile on my face no matter what!
6.    You earnestly care! You look after me. Especially when I’m drunk. You will carry me up the stairs if you have to. You’ll bathe me and put me to bed. And you will not make me feel ashamed of it.
7.    You might not always understand me or my decisions but you will always support me and be there for me. Like if we lose a cricket match you won’t understand why I am so upset, but it won’t stop you from bringing me strawberries to cheer me up; or when I am working in Badulla even though I know you would prefer me being in Colombo, you don’t make me feel bad about it.
8.    Your smile. It’s contagious. I can’t help but return it. And it makes your eyes twinkle and it makes you look super cute. Every single time you smile it makes me want to kiss you. Even thinking about it makes me smile and, makes me feel like I have butterflies in my stomach. Mwah!
9.    How you get excited about little things. Anything slightly different form ordinary, you would find it cool. And you will be fascinated about any small gadget. I find that super cute.
10.  You are the sweetest and one of the most thoughtful people I know. You always think of others. Your thoughts might not always be right but you most definitely always care!
11.  You believe in me and always want me to do better. Be it at work where you would push me to be extra ordinary or by wanting me to learn to drive and cook and be independent.
12.  You are my happy pill. No one makes me as happy as you do! You always want to make me happy and see me smile. The irony is that you don’t even have to try. You just being there is enough to put a smile on my face and make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. You treat me like a princess even when I look like a beggar.
13.  You have faith in us. Even though I have stumbled at times you never swayed. After all we have been through, you still believe in us.
14.  You want me to know you and you show me you. You opened yourself up, cracked your heart wide open and you allowed me in. You want me to know everything about you, what you do, how you feel and anything else.
15.  You are my person. My best friend. If I am in trouble you’d be my first call, if I am upset you’ll be my crying shoulder, if I am overjoyed you’d be my celebratory partner. You are the first contact in my speed dial and my emergency contact at work. You are my source of joy in the good times, refuge in the time of need and comfort whenever the skies are grey.
16.  You are spontaneous and full of crazy ideas and you always want to try something new. I love that. You are adventurous and fun. Life is full of fun with you in it. No matter how crazy, stupid immature your ideas are, I always love them; and I’m always up for doing it. Unless it’s drugs :P
17.  You teach me something new every day. I might not know much about things like you do, but I am always up for learning.
18.  I feel safe in your arms. I know you will protect me. Your arms; It’s my favourite place to be. I trust you with my life and with my heart. And I know you won’t let me down.
19.  You are funny. I love your sense of humour. Your lame jokes. I know they are lame and stupid but they make me laugh and it just makes you look cuter.
20. You are smart and intelligent and really good at what you do. You are also humble and modest and like it when people think you are not smart.
21.  Your kiss still does crazy things to my insides. And when you touch me, I forget that the rest of the world exists.
22. We are a team and you are truly my partner in everything that we do.
23.  We are stupid with each other. Having names for each other. Inventing our own games, countries, groups, laws and whatever else.
24. I feel like I have known you my whole life. And I love how you know me even when I struggle to know myself.
25. You are present with me, and you absorb me completely. I love how I miss you the second you leave, and even before sometimes.
26. You get mad at me when I question your love. Because it frustrates you that I would ever question how devoted you are. I love when you tell me you have never loved anyone else as much as you love me. I believe you. I believe it all.
27. You forgive me for everything that I have said and done that hurt you and never mention it again. You are amazing like that.
28. We imagine this wild and wonderful future together. And then we make plans to make it happen.
29. You push me to think deeply about who I am, and what I want and believe, and why.
30. You challenge me to rip down walls, take away the mask and be honest with myself.
31.  You taught me to realize everyone alive has the power to inspire meaningful change.
32. You showed me it’s better to be an idealist than a cynic.
33. You make laughter an instant vacation and you give me serenity in the midst of struggle.
34. You love to travel, explore and discover. And now I’ll never have to travel alone!
35. You love nature. The greenery and wild animals. And more importantly camping trips.
36. You love art. Just that in itself says more about you than I can explain.
37. Your values. They just make you the most amazing person alive.
38. I am more myself when I am with you than I have ever been on my own. And the most memorable days of my life are moments that I have shared with you!
39. Even though you have left me a couple of times. You have always come back! If you love someone set them free they say, and if they come back they are yours to keep. So this time you are here to stay!
40. And…. I love you because I LOVE YOU!

 And if you ever forget, please my love, return to the beginning and read again!


P.S The reasons mentioned above are in no particular order. Just my flow of thoughts. And this is by no means an exhaustive list. Time constraints made me stop at 40. I could have written for hours!

Thursday, 3 September 2015

Thank You

I guess I was wrong!
I don't think you even know it
But
You were there for me after all :)

Just talking to you makes all the difference...

You're Not There When I Need You The Most

You can't be there for me! Yes. I heard it the first ten times you told. I get it. We broke up. And it hurts too much, so you can't be there for me. Well guess what?! You are not!

Yes, every time we talk I say I'm okay. I'll say I miss you and that you're always on my mind. But that's all you know.
I know you miss having me around to share things with and it's hard for you too. But for me apart from having to live life without you in it, I'm going through so much more!

My brother is migrating and it is kind of a big deal for us. I know it probably doesn't seem that way for you because both your siblings are abroad and you're used to it. Well none of us even have gone abroad for studies so it's going to be a bit of adjusting for us.

At least aiya going abroad we saw coming. We were preparing ourselves for that. Now on top of that my dad will be working abroad.  Something that is really hard to swallow for most of us. He is the one who keeps us all together so not having him around is going to suck.

To top it all off we have to now shift out of our house by the end of the year. Imagine trying to find a house by that time? Shifting without tha and aiya. My mother started crying when she heard this, saying it's all too much for her.

No, you have no idea what it's like for me. One of my best friend is going through her own share of shit and the other is migrating to New Zealand. So they have enough to deal with on their own. You're the only other person in the world I'd like to share my problems with. But you're just not there!!! When I need you the most, you're not there.

I can't help but think of what that horoscope dude told your mom. That I will be going through a  really bad time and that it will help me if I'm with you. Maybe it's pure coincidence but it makes total sense atm. I have a lot to deal with and I'm broken into pieces. And you're not there!


Wednesday, 2 September 2015

I'm losing it

When things are so bad
That you can't even write
You know there is no coming back!

Hate you?!

But how could I...
You taught me better!

Saturday, 29 August 2015

Last Night

I played my own
Drinking game
I had a shot
For every time
I told your name!



Friday, 28 August 2015

Congrats

Breaking up is just
A race to see
Who moves on first.
Guess what?
You won!

Monday, 24 August 2015

Away From Home

What is it about this place
That makes me think of you more than I should
Is it because I am so far away from home
That my heart hurts in more ways than it could

Is it the quiet and the stillness here
Or the sense of peace that surrounds this place
That reminds me of the kindness in your eyes
The goodness of your heart and how sweet your lips taste

Is it the cold and the mist that's always here
That reminds me of how comforting and safe I felt in your arms
Or relief and the sense of happiness I felt
Whenever my palm was held against your palm

Is it the greenery and the trees all around
Or the sound the wind makes when it blows
That reminds me of the happiness and fun you brought along with you
Which made my whole world glow

Is it the clear blue sky up above
Or sniffy here wagging its tail
That reminds me of all the moments we shared
Including every little mundane detail!

Sunday, 23 August 2015

It's Been A Month


It’s been a month and I have finally come to accept that there is no getting over you. That no matter how much I want to not love you, I have no control over my heart. But what I do have control over is my life and how I live it. So regardless of whether my heart hurts, cracks and breaks as a result or no matter what my heart wants and pines for, I will live life as I would have, had you been with me. I have come to terms with the fact that you will always be in my heart and I will carry you everywhere I go and that there is no escaping from that.

I will always love you but I will always love me too. I don’t want people telling me that I am not me anymore. When you left you took a part of me with you. But I am going to pick up whatever the pieces left of me and try and put it together. I realise now that by trying to let you go I was letting go of me too.

So instead of staying at home now I go out with my friends. Drink, dance, laugh and have fun. But you’re always with me. Last night at Negambo you were with me. I even had conversations with you in my head. I got a bit drunk and so did you. And when I was dancing, I was dancing with you. Of course there are moments when reality hits. Like when our song started playing and I just stood still on the dance floor because my heart hurt too much and I couldn’t move. Or like when I got home and I really wanted to just say good night that I actually called you knowing very well you won’t pick up. But no one needs to know that. And for the most part everyone thinks I am fine. So it works.

I have realised that everything I do will be based on what you would have had to say about it. Again, no one needs to know that. So people think I am fine. Like when Tha asked me to drive his vehicle and drop Sami at the rowing club I said okay. Because I know how proud you would be of me. I know it’s automatic but it’s a freaking Montero Sport! I know you think it’s hot when a girl can drive a big vehicle. So I did it. The whole while thinking “He is going to be super happy and proud!” Silly I know. Because you probably don’t care, but it’s the only way that I can keep going.

Last week my specs broke and I had to get a new pair. So I bought one with a big black frame because you had told me you want me to buy a pair like that. And you’re probably right because a lot of people say I look good in them. But no one knows what made me really buy it.


No. There is no getting over you. So I am living life with you in it. You no longer come in waves. You’re a constant on my mind. I will keep loving you for the rest of my life whether you are a part of it or not. I will keep living as I would have, had you been with me. Everything I do will be based on how you would feel about it. 

But no one needs to know this. It will be my secret. I don’t think anyone would understand. As far as everyone else goes, when they see me breaking down every once in a while is the only time you’re on my mind. So it works. Because I don't want pity, what I want is YOU! And no one but you can give me that. 

Saturday, 22 August 2015

How Are You?

Wasn't that what you asked?
I am okay...
Wasn't that what I said?
Truth be told
I really don't know..
I can't stop thinking about you.
I don't know what's going on with me;
But I want to know what's going on with you!
Does that answer your question?



Tuesday, 18 August 2015

When I Say I Miss You

When I say I miss you, what I mean is that everything reminds me of you.

Trees. Coffee. Cars. Water. Dogs. Books. Kites. Cushions. Socks. Rain. Food. Construction sites. Children. Everything has a connection to you. The way you would feel about this, how you would look in that, what you would say to them, when we bought that, when we made this. You are everywhere. As if my mind was not consumed enough by you, your essence is everywhere outside of me too.

When I say I miss you, what I mean is, I wonder.

I wonder what moments would have been like had you been here. If we had been our best. With space to love each other. What you would say to me in a certain situation. How you would make a lame joke about something. How we would have shared a knowing smile in front of strangers. Or perhaps a kiss and then a look, want in both eyes, promises on our lips. A giggle or a laugh. I wonder how you would affect my world if you were in it again.

When I say I miss you, what I mean is, I talk to you—often.

The space between my eyes and the wall becomes filled with you. I talk as I wish I had, as I plan to do again. I sometimes write to you too.  I tell you how my day went and I tell you what exactly I am feeling in the space between my eyes and the wall.

When I say I miss you, what I mean is, I imagine you.

I imagine what you’re doing and try to work out where you’ll be. Perhaps you went out tonight. Perhaps you met friends. Did you talk about me? Did you miss me? Or maybe you stayed in. I try to think of you in your best self. Happy, content, loving and spreading your happiness. And I hope you are all those things. I see your eyes. And they smile at me. Your hands brush mine. Our lips quiver as our jaws reach for the other. I imagine you.

When I say I miss you, what I mean is, I stare.

I catch myself after a minute or two and am never quite sure what I was thinking about. But I know it was you. Maybe it wasn’t even a thought. Just a feeling. The ideal. Just swaying with your rhythm.

When I say I miss you, what I mean is, I cry.

Most often I don’t. I don’t let myself. And then every now again, it crashes through and over my defences. A song. A comment from someone. A movie. A long shower. A quote I read. And I’m a messy ball of regret and need. But then I feel better. As though I’ve honoured a part of myself. And a part of you.

When I say I miss you, what I mean is, I cannot forget.

Every morning I cannot forget the call you’d give on your way to work. The random jokes. The call before I fall asleep. The good morning and good night. Kangkang booru and every other game. Sexaland, The NuT team, The balu sangamaya and every other thing you made up. Your smile. What it made me feel. Your hug. The feeling of being safe in your arms. The trips and the amazing times we had.

When I say I miss you, what I mean is, I think.

Like, really think. I think about the ways in which I need to change. They are a constant in my mind. Inescapable and important. Long, long thinkings distracted by songs and readings and writing and friends and dancing and laughing. And I’m grateful to you. For without your presence, I would never have seen what my own flaws could cost me if I don’t fight it and ultimately grow up.

When I say I miss you, what I mean is, I look forward.

I look forward to talking to you again. Our first meeting. Our first touch. Our first kiss. Our first night. Silly, I know, and full of expectation but I do it anyway. And boy are you wonderful! And boy so am I! I look forward to your eyes seeing mine and seeing clarity again. Clear, easy love with none of the baggage. I look forward to us not caring about the negative, harmful things we cared so much about. And I look forward to being able to love you, just as you are, with all of me. No hiding, no denying, no judgement, no fear. And for you to do the same. I look forward to us.

When I say I miss you, what I mean is, I remember. 

I remember moments that I had since filed away as mundane or unimportant. Like watching you cook in the kitchen, or laughing about how I am the one who has to wake up first because I take a longer time in the shower. Like your t shirts, that you really loved, with a Disney character in a sexy pose, or times we went for a jog and I’m so unfit that I’ll tag behind but always watch you jog from a far. The many times you have brought me food or sent me flowers. I remember all the things I had forgotten to make it easier to blame you.

When I say I miss you, what I mean is, I regret.

I regret like poison running through my veins. Regret that we both carried attachments we should have shed before meeting, regret hiding it from you and not being honest about it. Regret hurting you. Regret breaking your trust, breaking your heart and breaking you in general. Regret that I couldn’t gain the trust back. Regret arguing with over insignificant things. Regret not learning to cook while I was with you or learning to drive manual. Regret being insecure and clingy. Regret for the way you didn’t see me. I regret the inability to shed the thoughts you had of me. The distance they created and how blind they made you. I regret time wasted and unappreciated. Regret taking you for granted and assuming you’ll always be there. Regret not being able to make you realise that what we had meant so much more than anything that happened. Regret that I couldn’t make you realise that what we had was worth it; and not giving you enough space when you needed. That, I regret most of all.

When I say I miss you, what I mean is, I resolve.

I resolve to change my life. From the inside out. Heart forward. I resolve to find me and love me. To know that I am good enough, that I have not lost out, that I am wonderful and that the integrity and honour and magic I so desperately seek has been within me all along. I resolve to fix the broken parts and accept the ugly parts. I resolve to discover what holds me back and love it until it holds me back no more. I resolve to meet you again and be happy, with a clear mind, loving eyes and open heart. I resolve to be me again.

When I say I miss you, what I mean is, that all these words do very little to justify or give credence to the small, quiet feeling inside of me. The feeling that radiates a longing and a knowing. A longing for happiness and a knowing of its possibility. A longing for you and a knowing of the deepest feelings I have for you. A longing for our future and a knowing that we can have it. All of it.

When I say I miss you, what I mean is, I’ve lit a candle, am listening to beautiful music and am pouring my love for you through the ether.

When I say I miss you, what I mean is, can you feel it? 

When I say I miss you, what I mean is…

Wednesday, 12 August 2015

Back in Colombo

Do you know how hard it was? To wake up in the morning and cry because there is no one to say good morning to and because you won't be calling on your way to work. To finish work early and start crying again because you realise that the only reason you used to get so excited about finishing work early is because when I get colombo early I get to see you. To travel for 6 or 7 hours with nothing but you to think about. To call your friend and bawl my eyes out. Do you know how embarassing that is? When your friend is telling me to just start hating you and move on because I'm a mess and that you are already moving on. Do you know how hard it was to pass Nugegoda, your DVD shop and your lane? Do you know my heart litterally started to hurt?

No of coursde not. You don't. And you probably don't care.

Tuesday, 11 August 2015

Quarter Birthday!

It's your quarter birthday today! Who knows their qurter birthdays? No one but you. Who celebrates their half birthdays? No one but you. Yes you are that immature silly goon who does all that. You are also that funny, happy person who always makes me smile. You said you wanted to celebrate your qarter birthdays as well. And it's silly but I find it cute and even thinking about it makes me smile.

I thought of wishing you for it this morning, but I figured that you probably don't want me to. I mean it's been three days and you have not even dropped a text to see how I am doing. I should probably stay away. So as difficult as this is I am staying away.

But I hope you have a happy quarter birthday! I hope you keep smiling and spreading happiness like you always do. :)

Miss you heaps but love you more!
Have an awesome time.
Love
Me

Monday, 10 August 2015

I miss you

The days are longer
The nights are colder
And I'm miles away from home

No smile on my face
Or silver lining to my greys
Without you all on my own

No one to say I got here
And no good morning text
Or the call before you go to work

When I'm bored here alone
Who will make me smile all day
By telling your really lame jokes

Or when it's cold in the morning
And I am feeling lazy
Where's the motivation to get out of bed

Who will call me in the evening
And ask what I'm feeling
And talk till you go to bed

Even then still keep talking
For few minutes longer
Because you know I'm all alone

No one to say I love you
And send a text good night
Even after you hang up the phone

I do believe
That no matter what
Something good has to happen everyday

But it's hard to find the good
When you used to be
The best part of my day!

Wednesday, 5 August 2015

You are The One

Even as a kid I was never the type to have an ambition but if there was one thing I always wanted to do, it was to have fun and be happy. Then 2 years ago when I turned 25 I had a self-realisation. As much as I had fun throughout my life I was now half way to 50 and I hadn’t seen much of this country let alone the world. There was so much this world had to offer and I haven’t experienced it much at all. From then on came a new goal. Travel, explore, try out new things, and gain new experiences and live life to the fullest while having fun. So from 2 years ago I promised myself I’ll do something every day that was out of my daily routine in order to fulfil this new goal.

Then I met you. And you brought such a lot of fun and activity into my life that you took living life to the fullest to a whole new level. In the past one and half years I honestly had the best time of my life. Be it things like zip lining in ella, hiking to ella rock and little adams peak, building houses for the poor in trinco, a 10 hour bus ride to potuvil, riding a bike around arugambay, skinny dipping in pasikuda, cycling in wil uyana, or climbing pidurangala where the wind blew us off our feet, taking part in a car rally pretending I work at MAS or even taking part in Colombo city romp.  

Not just these, you manage to bring so much more fun to life even on a daily basis. Be it eating a burger and drinking cider watching the stars and sea, flying kites at galle face green, helping me write lists, trying out new restaurants, always ordering something that sounds funny or interesting just to see what it tastes like, chilling by the pool or at the rowing club, sexaland with all its laws and punishments, the 101 games you invent on the spot, all your lame jokes, playing cards or monopoly with your friends, or sitting in your tv room watching new girl and you insisting that she is the perfect girlfriend or watching big bang where I’m laughing saying you’re a bit like Sheldon ; super smart, no emotional intelligence and socially awkward! Not a day went by in which you didn’t manage to put a smile on my face.

One of the most proud moments of my life was being at your CFA graduation. And I did feel special to be invited for your best friend’s wedding and your mom’s 60th birthday! I felt like a queen to have you beside me at my brother’s wedding and I was so happy that you made it for the biggest day of my best friend’s life.

I miss talking to you, telling how my day went, seeing you smile, laughing with you and always having you by my side. I’ll miss you being my happy pill, holding your hand, kissing hugging and making love. More than the sex, I’ll miss the moment after sex, where the world stops and I’m in your arms and I feel safe. Yes, I’ll miss that feeling. But more than anything I will miss being who I was when you were around. I was more me when I was with you than I was alone.

I wish I got to go camping with you, watch you surf and add a word to oxford dictionary together like we always wanted to.


I’m sorry I let you down. We would have made an awesome couple!

Tuesday, 21 July 2015

No Appetite

I'm just hoping
That I at least
Lose some weight!'

I can do with a silver lining right now...

Monday, 13 July 2015

Birthdays

It marks how many years we have been alive and each year it reminds us that we are that much older. Of course we go out and celebrate or stay in doors and sulk; but every year, without fail, no matter how much we don't want to, we end up cutting a cake.

I am not a fan of this tradition and find it very embarrassing. But I have to agree that this makes us realise how our wants have changed through out the years. Because every year just before we blow out those candles we find our selves wishing for something we really want.

When you were 10 you wish for a chess set; or at 12 to finally have your own cricket bat so you wont have to share it with your brother; or at 15 you wish for your own bicycle, which invariably you don't end up getting. Then you get a bit older and start to wish for things that people can't really give you. At 18 you want your crush to like you back; and at 21 you want to ace that final exam. The candles can not really do anything, but that is what you really want, and that will be your birthday wish. As time goes by you start to get more practical. Your jeans are faded and slightly too tight so you wish someone gets you a pair of good jeans; or your phone falls way too many times in one day and you want an otter box to hold it in place.

But then comes those birthdays that you're just about to blow the candle and your mind is blank. Because the one thing you want for your birthday is standing beside you and asking you to make a wish and you can't find something better to wish for!

Birthdays... Yes they tell us how old we are...

Wednesday, 17 June 2015

It's been an year

And I still have a huge crush on you!

Tuesday, 16 June 2015

It's true

All I have ever
Wanted from you
Is to be wanted
By you!

Friday, 15 May 2015

I met you

I couldn't help but smile
And speak to you for awhile

It's not that I miss you
Or things we used to do

It's kind of hard to explain
But it makes me want to see you again

And when you called me after a week
I knew it had to be a 2 way street


Tuesday, 7 April 2015

Forgive me

Because I'm still learning
How to hold my own hand!

Wednesday, 18 March 2015

You are like...

You're like the bus back to Colombo
On a Thursday evening
Though it's eight hours long
The whole week I have been feening

You're like strawberry and cream
On a depressing day
No matter what happens
Makes me feel okay

You're like the puppy in Badulla
Who makes me smile
Even though I'm alone and bored
And haven't seen anyone in awhile

You're like the night sky full of stars
Or the beach during sunset
Gives me such a happy feeling
And the most amazing sight yet

You're like Sri Lanka winning a match
Or sami winning her rowing
Makes me so happy and proud
I could feel myself glowing

You're like yuda holding my hand
When I go to sleep at night
Though at times it's annoying
Without it I don't feel all right

You're like the play list on my phone
When I'm alone in bed
Just being there makes me happy
As long as I'm fed

You're like sucking my thumb as a kid
Helps me fall asleep at night
Or the hot milo in the morning
Which makes waking up not a fight

You're like Ammi's arms when I'm upset
Or Tangalle when I was three
Or school once I got a bit bigger ;
There is no place I'd rather be

You're like a hot coffee during rain
Or a warm bed when it's cold
You're like all the things I love
Which cannot be bought or sold




ironic

Isn't it funny
That you are the one
To ask if I am
Over my ex
When you're clearly
The one
Hung up over
Yours!

Monday, 9 March 2015

Headache

You know how
Your head hurts
When you cry too much..?

Well that's the thing, 
You should not be
Knowing about it!

Friday, 20 February 2015

Confession

After all these years
Maybe I should
Let you know
How I used to
Feel about you.
Would you then
Laugh at me
And find it funny
Or would you
Be bitter
That I got over you
Before you did?

Getting to Know Me

Okay so this is going to be tough because I barely know myself. But yes I will try to help you get to know me.

By nature I am a happy person and it doesn’t take a lot to make me happy. Just hanging out with my friends and family is enough. Other than that I love the beach, I love outdoors, I love animals (especially in the wild), I love to travel, I love food and I love kids. Not spoilt ones, but in general I love kids. I love to read, I love it when I connect with what I read. I love to write, I don’t write often but I love it none the less. I’m patriotic and I love my country. I love my job but above all I love to live. Religion aside all I know is that I have this one life and I want to be able to live it to the fullest. See the world as much as I can, try things out, meet people from different backgrounds and stuff. There is so much in this world to see, explore and learn and I want to do that. I have actually never got the chance and I have barely been around this country and probably not done half the things I could do here; but if I ever had goal it’s that. To be able to see the world (or at least this country). I consider myself lucky to be have born in this day and age and I think it’s a waste of a life you just live in your bubble without actually seeing and experiencing the rest of the world. (Or the rest of the country for that matter)

If you want to know what makes me mad, maybe you should ask my sisters because they seem to have mastered the art of doing so. Lol. I kid. I just get annoyed or irritated with them sometimes but it is mostly because they know me too well and pry and question things I don’t want to discuss with them. I don’t really get angry at people more often than not I just get upset.  But anger is a less vulnerable emotion to express, so I pretend to be really mad at them when all I am is really hurt or upset. Either way the feeling doesn’t linger too long. I get over it soon. I used to have a really bad temper and throw tantrums and basically behave like some really spoilt kid or some psycho whichever way you like to look at it. But it has been a few years since I have gotten over that. But just in case I ever behave like that, please point out to me that I am just making a fool of myself and ignore me till I come around. You have my permission to do so. Hopefully there would be no need of that.

Okay I typed enough for one day. I hope this helps.

Bye :)

Thursday, 5 February 2015

...

Today
I told
myself
that I will
finally write
that letter
I should
have sent
long time
ago.

I sat
for hours
with the
pen in
my hand
but
somehow
the paper
stayed empty.

And I
couldn't
have explained
it any
better.