Thursday, 20 October 2016

Breaking up sucks!

I have broken up before and moved on. This is not new to me. I know what I have to do.

I have to go out there and do things I love. Keep my self occupied and be around my friends and family. I have to get out there and enjoy life again.

But here's the problem. The more I go out there and live, the emptier I feel. The busier my day is the stronger the feeling is to come home and tell you how my day went and to ask how yours was. The more things I do that I love the more I find myself wishing you were with me. The more I go out the more I think of what you would have said and done if you were there. How things would have been that much better if I was doing whatever it is with you.

I can't remember how this worked for me before but it some how only seems to be making the vacuum inside me bigger this time. The more I'm surrounded by people the more I miss you. The more things I do that I love the worse I feel because you're not there with me.

Maybe this is what it really feels like when you break up with "the one"!!!

Sigh...

Thursday, 15 September 2016

How I Wish I Could Go Back In Time

Today
I'm wearing the top I wore on our second date!
Sitting under the light house
Eating a burger and sipping wine
Staring and the sea
With endless talking and laughter...
It was one of our favourite dates.

I miss us! :(

Wednesday, 7 September 2016

Lost in Thought

Today
I thought of you...
And I wonder
If you can feel me
Whenever I do!

Thursday, 14 July 2016

I Will Never be a Well Behaved Woman

I would rather pass my days lying in the middle of dirt roads, staring at the full moon with a bottle of wine in my palms.

I would rather have kids when it suits me, not when society expects or throws shoulds.

I would rather live in a hammock on a beach for six months, and write like my soul means it.

I would rather be horribly broke at times, than married to a job because a mortgage payment has my ass on a hook.

I would rather own moments, than investments.

I would rather eat alone, than sit with women who bore me at “Wives’ Night.”

I would rather swim naked with bioluminescence, have it fall like fireflies from my hair, my breasts, my back.

I would rather do handstands naked in the moonlight when no one’s watching than pick bridesmaid dresses.

I would rather drink seven year old rum from a sandy bottle, smell of smoke and ash than sit at temple.

I would rather learn from life than rack up debt, in a desk.

I would rather drink the ocean, again and again—celebrate being madly alive.

I would rather my love be defined by love itself, and nothing more or less.

I don’t need a ring on my finger to prove that I am in love.

I would rather take the bus, than spend useless money in safe gated communities. Sit beside a goat, listen to raggaeton and eat green mango with sugar in a plastic bag sold from the woman who harasses the bus each time it stops.

I do not need a degree to prove that I am intelligent.

I do not need to own a piece of earth with some wood on top of it—to feel successful. No one truly owns the land, anyway—we just think we do.

My savings account has little to do with my richness.

I would rather sprawl my single ass out like a lioness each morning and enjoy each corner of my empty bed.

I will take a job I love and freedom over a pension, any day.

I will not work and work and work to live when my body is old and I am tired.

Stocks are for people who get boners from money.

Not everyone should have kids, and my eggs aren’t expiring.

I will not drink the societal milo on a bus, nor will I drink it on a train.

Not on a plane, with a goat, in the rain, in the dark, in a tree, with a fox, in a box!

I will not jump through societies’ hoops and red tape, the treasure hunt in the rat race we chase.

If we must have milestones—mine will be measured by how much joy I have collected at the end of each day and how often in this life I have truly, deeply, opened.

Seek, see, love, do.

Wednesday, 6 July 2016

Dear ex best friend

Hey there,

How are you doing? I know I look fine and everyone thinks I'm doing okay... But I'm not. I'm broken inside.

I feel lost. So so lost. I really need you right now. I need to talk to you and for you to just hear me out. I need you to give me a scolding and ask me to get my shit together.

I want you to show me how good I have it and tell me that I'm being stupid and selfish.

I need to hear all of this and I know I will if we just talk. But I can't call you. This is not an emergency. Or is it? I'm not sure.

Oh how I wish you'd call me. It will save me the trouble from having to explain myself. Who am I kidding, you haven't called me in years!

You didn't even call me last month when I was hospitalised for dengue. I was a bit surprised actually. I really thought you would call me at least then.

Sigh. I miss you sometimes! And right now I really really need you. Hope you're doing better than I am.

Love
Me

Sunday, 26 June 2016

Starting over

"Don't worry 
Things always end up falling into place."

Well everything was in place 
And now we are starting over.
Can you blame me for being a little skeptical? 


Friday, 24 June 2016

Choosing sides!

Truth be told yes I chose them over you. They don't see it that way, but no matter what they think I know that, that is what it is. Yes today I am choosing their happiness over yours. I wish I didn't have to. I wish that I could make everyone happy. But somehow it feels like that it isn't possible. Yes, I'll try to convince them and try to get what you want but I always end up giving in to them...

I'm sorry about that. I really am.

But think about it. We have the rest of our lives to be doing things our way. Let them just have this one day. All we can do is make the maximum out of it. That is what I am trying to do. Please help me. I know it is not what you want but let's try and make the best of what they are giving us.

Please don't make this any harder for me than it already is.

Saturday, 18 June 2016

Know Your Limits

Fussing
Works...

Sometimes!

Thursday, 16 June 2016

Go Away

Stay away from me. I don't want to have anything to do with you. So please make it easier for both of us and just don't contact me. Thank you!

Tuesday, 14 June 2016

The Ones that Matter

People will come
People will go
But family
That's for life!


Wednesday, 8 June 2016

You Are Your Worst Enemy

When no one but you
Can help your self
That's when you've
Got to be your own hero

And trust me when I say it
Yourself is the best hero to have